Ponder...

who believes in the notation ' buat baik dibalas baik, buat jahat dibalas jahat'? Cause I'm starting to doubt it. Lately I have too many expectations to meet, I feel pressured. Can't believe I'm saying this, but seriously it feels like I'm being more pressured now than when I'm schooling.

Nothing I do seem to be noted or appreciated, but instead all I get back are just complains. Sure I know there is ample room for improvement. But sometimes all I want to hear is a simple "thank you". People don't even see that nowadays. I do everything full heartedly and sincerely and not even hoping for anything back, just a smile of gratitude, I'm satisfied, but no... that's not what I usually get, instead my head get freaking stepped on.

Am I too soft hearted? Do I do too many things too selflessly? Where did I go wrong? Or are their reactions just normal human behaviour? Anyways I'm talking in terms of everyone one, family, lover, friends... all the same. Sometimes just thinking about it makes my heart feel very pain. makes me feel small. makes me feel like I'm not giving enough.

People who knows me, knows that I'm a person who needs a lot of reassurance, I like to know that what I do is right, I want to know that I'm going the right direction, I want to reach my destination the fastest and most effective way. That's me. It's not that I cannot accept opinions and would not improve myself. But it's depressing to be told time and again that what I do is not enough. Is it wrong to just hope for a smile at the end of the day, and maybe a hug telling me "well done"?

I just felt like typing something in the morning, just wanted to talk...