Darts to Heart

I feel like giving up. I really feel like giving up. Honestly, gone are my motivations to correct things at this moment. Doesn't seem to have a point for me to do that anymore. It's like chasing my own tail somehow. Doesn't have a conclusion, at least the conclusion that I'm searching for.

I try to be strong, I really have tried. Still... doesn't seem right. It just doesn't seem right. The worse part of all, it's so difficult for me to take the next step for some reasons (I feel like Robin Hood somehow).

I don't know what I want, I don't know where I'm heading. It's like I'm standing at a cross junction of a dark highway, waiting for someone to hold my hand and guide me to righteous. The only problem is there's only 1 person's hand that I will hold.

I'm lost. Lost and have a very severe heartache. I don't know why am I puting myself through this. Sometimes I really feel that I have had enough of these crap. I really feel like letting go. Just want to do it the right way with no hard feelings.

It's like i'm stabbing my own heart over and over again. My tears are always ever ready to start a thunder storm. I don't know what to believe anymore. What I hear, what I see and what I believe are all contradicting. I really feel like putting a stop to all this shits.

I really need a shoulder to cry on now. I really need someone to hold me before i collapse and fall. I really need a ear, a listenning and understanding one to hear me out. Who's going to help me to be strong again?

I'm so sorry for being this emo lately. I can't help it. I don't wish for anyone to be in my shoes, it's the worse kind of punishment and nobody deserves it. I have tried to not think of the whole thing, but it's so darn difficult.

Sometimes I wish that I have not started this crap. How nice if time was reversible I will be back to being who I was couple of years back. I don't have to go through all this now. Maybe it's karma. Yes, I believe it's karma.

I'm really trying to be strong. I'm trying to accept things with an open heart. I believe I'm stronger than this. I believe things will surface when time comes. Right now I will start to practice letting all my bad feelings go.

Pray for me...