just talking

well, it's really not nice to find out that you've been left out... so many times by people you thought were your friends. i feel like a door mat. why do i say so you might ask, this is because yesterday while celebrating alex's birthday, they were talking about events that happen while celebrating my other friendS birthday. and i realise, i wasn't there~!!!!

ok... im not being childish or anything, but how could they do that? they are my friends... maybe not even friends... they were my so called close friends~!!! but it's ok, thinking back, there could be a lot of reasons. for one, it's obvious, while the rest of my friend (from alpha) still stuck to one another, i could deny that i'm one of them who strayed. i became closer to other people.

bad, bad move, shouldn't have done that. the new people i join in beta did not join me for the same reasons i joined them, i join them for company, friends and fun. they join me for convinience. stupid me. why have i not learn for bad experiences? stupid, stupid, stupid me. now i'm obligated to rejoin my old friends or just stick to the useless brats.

will my old friends think that i'm such a lame come-back kid? if i continue to stick with the rotten ones, they will continue to make full use of me. i want to go back to my old friends, but, not nice to say, i'm shy. but really i like them. though they are not people who really knows the real me, but they are really nice, organised and smart people. the brats i'm befriending now, has no personalities at all, just a bunch of irresponsible and pushy people who does not care about people around them.

live (friends wise) is so different from all the places i have made friends. back in st. davids, we litterally grew up together, if not since we were kids, at least for almost 5 - 10 years. i don't have to be another person when around them, i don't have to hide myself or seal my mouth. we all know each other pretty well.of cause it is normal to have back-stabbing and gossips, but we still love each other in the end. we could talk about almost everything under the sun to each other. and the best part? we still hang out together *240z* till today. they are the best~!!!!

at the temple. we have cliques too. the aunties and uncles, our older brothers and sisters, then us the erm... trouble-makers (according to the older gens of the temple), then the kids. though i'm not too close tothe whole gang like most of them, but i do have a few whom i'm really close. one thing that really highlights them is that they are really concern and caring about one another. all of them never fail to light up your gloomiest days and moods. with them, i can forget about being serious. it is fun and nonsense all day~!!!!

friendship was not stable from the very beginning in mmu. not only i was stuck being in the second batch intake all alone, i was stuck with people who pulled down my self-esteem and confidence for the first 2 months. then things were better with my new found hardworking and sort of fun friends. studies is really important to them and they are a bit conservative. they treated me nice and we went to many places (even places i have never been though being a malaccan). but when beta came, all of us took different majors. so i have to start over. instead of sticking with the clique frpm alpha, stupid me has to go with other people. what have i done~!!!!

live is so weak and unfair~!!!