How come I cannot relax and not think too much even how much I tell myself to? I'm trying my best to work hard and not think about the 'what if' and imagining. I know trust and commitment are 2 things that I had and have always been reminded on. And I know despite all the brawls and 'test' that I have been put through there is still a huge chunk of love and care involved. But why? Why can't I stop worrying? Where had all my confidence gone?
I really appreciate that my feelings are spared this time or at least reduce the hurt factor by at least 50%, but I still can't help but feel the queasiness right down in the pit of my stomach which is not too good for my stomach condition. I thank the honesty and I do admit that that is what I want and not catching people red handed again. Sometimes being in a relationship is like taking care of or nurturing a young child. It needs a lot of attention, a lot of love and manja-ness. I don't want to feel like I'm a hawk praying on it's kill of the day.
I'm just learning to love, trust and enjoy this so called adult relationship. Don't blame me for feeling a little like a mother trying to protect her child from harm, though. I really hope for the best. As promise will stay a promise, I'm not mad, I'm not angry. Just wanted to tell someone. That's all.
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