Amatuer

Im an amatuer when it comes to love and relationships. and i tink i might be suffering from the fear of commitment. one of the cause of my last failed relationship is because he was becoming too commited and i got scared. tell me, in every relationship, is sticking together most of the time a neccesity? because i can't seem to feel comfortable doing that.

right now, i can't picture myself staying with only one person. no, no don't get me wrong, i don't mean i want to have flings or have affairs while in a relationship. what i mean is that i don't see myself being able to commit into something, that seem to me, so huge. it's too scary and a lot of hard work. maybe i'm just not ready for it yet, ya? i feel the need to play and be free and not being tied down.

till now, im 20 years 1 month and 1 day old, i can honestly tell you that i have not actually felt true love. the feeling that supposely make you all floaty and craps like that or easier said, the feeling where you would litterally die for a person, i never felt it. am i a horrible person? i don't even know how to love. god~!!! what kind of a person im? i do wonder whether i will ever feel it. do sincerely do want to be love and be able to love the person in return. well, probably the right person hasn't come along.

so now, i've decided that i don't want to break anymore hearts as long as i can't get over my 'phobia'. because as long as the 'fear' is there, im just going to repeat the mistake time and again. unless well, if the right person ... *ahem* ... decides to break this 'invisible wall' of mine, ya? who supports me????