Life's like that...

have you ever wanted something but after you got it, you realise that you don't need or not ready to have it yet? ya... that's how im feeling now lar basically. except it's not like i don't need or unready but it's more like i don't know how to use it. get what i mean?

i've always felt like as if i do not get enough freedom from my parents. i always feel like a kid at home. i feel like my parents holds on me too tightly and all. i want them to let go a little, be more relax on me. i not only want them to let go, but (Jennifer Aniston's quote from the Break-Up) i want them to WANT to let go.

i don't like to do things that people does not like me to do. i like the sense of freedom and not guilty. get what i mean? i like willingness and not force. but no... my parents don't see that. they don't understand that. when i try to talk to them about it, they think im trying to rebel. basically im just stuck.

i understand that whether your are the eldest, middle or youngest child, in the order of your siblings, you have different responsiblities. and it is not easy being either. but they always say being the youngest is the easiest. and we are known to be spoilt for being given what we want all the time. but no... not this family, trust me.

being the youngest is only fun when you are young. when you come to my age, you will want to break free but in your parents eyes, you are still a baby. you know you are capable and will want to do many things on your own but again you are a baby. you try your best to do the things you think will please them but it's never enough, why? because you are a baby and you can never match up to your more telented, independent, elder siblings.

you will never grow up in their eyes. i understand that all parents will regard their children the same way, as in you will be kids in their eyes even after you turn 40. but for the older ones, you do grow up. the youngest will always stay a baby. it's frustrating and suffocating for us as the youngest sometimes.

it's like they do not want to let go of you because they are afraid to feel the 'empty nest' syndrome. so they will hold on to us for as long as they can. so don't blame us when sometimes you might think that we are rebels or spoilt. it's only because we are deprived of freedom and independence that we all so long for, that's the reason we rebel.

as the youngest, we have to work doubley or maybe even tripley harder than our older siblings to earn our independence. no matter how hard we try it's never enough. we are always babies in their eyes. they'll refuse to understand or admit that it's time we grow up. they'll always be in denial that we are capable.