i kind of feel disappointed and cheated upon!! err... first i'd like to apologise for all the emo posts i've being posting. it's just that im feeling really emo-y lately... some of you might know why, some of you might not know why. see, my blog is on the world wide web, so if i'm blogging everything in too direct form, it might bring others to have a very bad impression on me. so i prefer to keep everything discrete. so my friends, if you want to know what's really going on, please contact me privately and maybe i will tell. hehe...

so right now, seriously, im feeling very cheated and disappointed. i've been made to make a promise, a promise so big it feels like i've just put on a very huge curse upon myself. i had no idea the promise could bring such a big impact on me. i thought once it's over, it's like over OVER and i would not think so much about it after that. but it's been nearly three damn weeks and it's still fresh like raw meat in my head.

i do not expect to be treated this way after i have fulfilled my promise. i want at least a bit of 'special' attention. maybe i'm hoping on too much. i was just thinking, was it that maybe i have done something wrong? did i say something bad? or i'm just plain naive? i tried to console myself saying things like, it's just a favor. i mean, how much do u expect to get back these days rite? but then again, it's not a very small favor!! i was told to move on once by my friends. i can't...

then another friend said i was being too paranoid. how can i not be? hahaha!! it's not easy. you do feel like you deserve to be appreciated more, seriously. but maybe psychologically, maybe your mind is messing around with you, fantasies tend to enhance your imagination and memories. i tried not thinking to much about it. but it's like there's this little person in the back of my brains that's just keep on reminding me of it. so the more i strive to not think about it, there will be a slight pain in my head till i just tell myself screw it about trying to forget.

i knew in some ways this favor was going to alter somethings if it's not physically, it will be mentally. i thought about it even before i promised to do the favor. but it's hard to resist when you were asked by some sugar coated mouth fella. so maybe it's my fault. and again, i just want to be appreciated a bit more than this. i can't go around pretending i did not do the favor. it's like running away after commiting a murder. i'm just not a person who can do that.

seiously, i'm not hoping for a lot, i just want a little bit more than just this. just a little more. maybe i should have a new life princip. maybe i should not be too soft hearted. but seriously, i do not need my favor to be returned, i just want a little bit more appreciation and gratitude, that's all. because right now i feel like a door mat.

Dedicated to my dear friends of St.Davids!!

11 Names

Can u name 11 people?
Name 11 people you can think of right
now. Don't read
the questions underneath until you
write the names of all 11 people. This
is a lot funnier if you actually
randomly list

the names first.. No cheating!!!


1. yhwee
2. sumi
3. jacjac
4. prash
5. shynn
6. ping
7. kate
8. shien
9. may
10. don
11. law


DON'T LOOK AHEAD UNLESS U FILLED UP
THE TOP!

How did you meet # 4?
-in primary sch, think we started being friends in std. 6

Do you like anyone on the list?
- romantically? hahaha!!! nope...
- friends? every single one... love them to bits!!

What would you do if you hadn't met
number 1?
- nobody bring me to kai-kai... no piza/burger to eat... n most importantly nobody i can confine in lor...

How did you meet #8?
- since primary school but only be closer to him AFTER high school... he is the most gentleman out of all my guy friends...

What do you think of #7?
- my bestest friend since forever literally... giggly, cheery and a lost friend... n u can b sure that ur secrets are most safe with her!!

what would you do if #3 confessed
he/she loves you?
- hahaahaha!! that will be THE day...

Is #2 ur friend?
- my most reliable friend ever... nicest to hang out with...

Whose #9's best friend?
- howie?

Have you ever eaten around #11?
- ya... obviously... got lar, been friends with him for ages di, if no mah something wrong?

Do you miss number #1?
- to bits im telling u... my world is empty without u... huhu...

Who is #3 dating?
- she say no one, i believe her lor...

what do you think of #6?
- i personal little princess who i can't mess aroud with. cutest thing ever... the person who knows me best. we complete each other's sentences.

What do you think about #4?
- very caring, very kuai... so unlike me. she's in bali now.

What would you do if #3 and 9 were
going out??
- hahahahahhahha~!!! will not happen in a million years!!!

Who does #2 like?
- she did not update me on this topic wor... so i guess no one lor...

Do you have any special thing you do with #11?
- define special... in any case... no...

Have you ever been inside #9's house?
- yupz... a few times lor...

Do you love #10?
- my metal super saiyan fren... hahaha~!!! cutest thing ever.

Ever slept in the same room as any of the numbers?
- yes, during sleepovers and camps...

Do u trust them?
- most of them yes... but it really depends on what the 'thing' is


I TAG LING, SHIEN, MAY, STEPH AND EVERYONE ELSE TOO!!!

I knew this was comming...

Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Leave the fibs alone.
Your comments in colour.
Then, tag 3 people to do the same test:

I miss somebody right now. (I miss that person so much, it kinda hurts)

I do not watch tv these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses. (If not lights will be the only tings I'm attracted to at night)
I love to play video games. (not maple k... i really play games, wuzzy games according to Shi En tho)
I have tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (if only i practice it)
I have changed mentally over the last year. (you have no idea...)
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I curse. (a lot...)
I’m totally smart. (ppl say i have the brains but i'm just not using it)
I’ve broken someone’s bones. (of the bastards in my life)
I’m paranoid sometimes. (hahaha kena marah for this)
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (nip/tuck inspired)
I need money right now. (there is so many things that i want but can't afford to buy!)
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast. (many has complained of this)
I have long hair. (ever since forever~)
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling. (I have 2)
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn’t survive without Caller ID. (I hate anticipations)
I like the way I look. (haha!!)
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings. (people who knows me well will know this side of me)
I have a hidden talent. (is sloth-ing a hidden talent?)
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends. (I do... and all of them are the best, with them in my life who needs a boyfriend~)
I am currently single. (and free and independent and happy)
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone. (record time: 4 hours)
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop. (i'm so not a girl)
Enjoy window shopping. (jalan-jalan still ok lagi)
I would rather shop than eat.
I don’t hate anyone. (i really wish i do not, but sadly, i do)
I'm a pretty good dancer. (i don't dance at all... hahaha!! not professionally at least)
I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God. (i'm buddhist, Buddha is not god, he is a great teacher, technically there is no god as belived by Buddhist)
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months. (only high and happy not yet drunk)
I’ve rejected someone before.
I want to have children in the future. (it's more important to me than even marriage itself)
I have changed a diaper before. (my nephew's)
I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
I’m not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn. (i'm naive)
I’m shy around members of the opposite sex.
I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
I have tried alcohol before. (still a noob but getting better... hehe!!)
I own the South Park movie.
I would die for my best friend.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. (and bob the builder too)
I am happy at this moment! (minus the dissappointment from yesterday, the rest im happy)
I’m obsessed with girls.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
I study for tests most of the time. (does approximately 6 hours before the paper begins count?)
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles. (the one in Langkawi's under water world is cute~)
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream. (yeash~)
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
I hate office jobs. (don't see myself working in one lor~)
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules. (i wish i can swim... anyone wants to volunteer to be my instructor?)
I went college out of state. (Shi en understands)
I like sausages.
I love kisses. (oo...they are the connectors of two people, in love)
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours. (look into my closet, you'll understand)
I can’t live without black eyeliner.
I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals. (teddy geiger's version of You'll Ba In My Heart for example)
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can whistle. (i can't, you believe me?)
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I’ve written in.
I can’t stick to a diet. (haha!! food is my second heaven)
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. (all the time)
I have jazz in my blood.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I wear a toe ring.
I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie. (every single day at least one serving of it)
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is. (wazzat?)
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I only clean my room when necessary. (i'm a sloppy sloth)
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy. (who doesn't?)
I am an adrenaline junkie.

3 ppl i tag : yhwee, may, steph

back again...

so since my last post i had spent RM980 on my new 19 inch LCD monitor and a graphic card... now using my computer feels like im watching television. and my sims feels like they are real life except i'm controlling their everyday life. planning on changing my speakers soon. oh no, don't get me wrong, my present speakers are still fine, but i just wan to synchronize my whole computer set, i wan them all to be either black or/and silver only.

ok that's for the physical stuff that i have or just own. now emotionally, i'm so not happy, so disappointed with some guy(s) in my life currently. i hope they all burn in hell~!!!!! fuh~ ok, actually it's not that bad, but i really think guys should be more understanding and not just act according to their heart.

please don't say things that you know you don't mean, just to regret it later and ignore what you have done. if the wrong messages are sent, much bigger problems will come up. the worse part is, these problems are unnecessary and that you do not want to happen. but as usual you just have to say it out to satisfy the 'nagging old man in your head'.

you have no idea how much it'll hurt another party by doing these foolish things. you might feel embarrass for your acts, but you have to still come in terms with it as you are the one that did it, so face the consequences and do what you have to do to correct the situation, not just shy away and pretend nothing has happened. what the hell do you think god gave you the 2 balls hanging in between your legs? get castrated if you are not planning to use them~!!!!

sorry to my other guy friends who are reading this, i know it's rather hush, but you know that i don't mean you, rite? my best friends are all angels. you know who you are. but to those inconsiderate males reading this, please ok, girls are so not toys. we are not that easy, don't make use of us like as if you've purchase us from the supermarket. it hurts so damn fucking much~!!!!

crankiness~

first of all, i would like to thank all of you who have taken my crazy test. honestly, i personally think that it is a very difficult test. so to those of you who did not do well, it's ok... of cause i do not expect for you to know or listen to all my craziness all the time. and to those you scored~!!! yay~... erm that's all, oh~ and thanks for listenning to me all the time too~!!! hahaha~!!!

so since the pass 3 weeks or so has been damn hectic. mid terms after mid terms and right now all the assignment due dates are coming close, like very very close. so everyone is like rushing to finish our respective parts and assignment. i'm getting so very sick and tired of these craps. all the hard work and money wasted just to get what? a stupid paper that states you have wasted 4 years of your youth spending at least RM40,000.

im suppose to be sitting in from of my desk studying for my quiz tomorrow by the way, but i have no mood to do so at all, instead here i am in front of my computer typing this crapz. hahaha~!!! im getting so blardy restless already... it's like non stop one after another assignments after assignments after quizes and then exams again~!!! i can't help but to slow down and curi tulang a little.

i've not been in a very good mood today. throwing temper all around. snapping at evrybody that talks to me. im not sure why also. but im feeling better now already.

some random thoughts, there are many things that i have lost and gained back lately, things that i thought i'm better of without. but when i do not have it, i realise that i miss it a lot. so now that i have it again, i can't stop thinking about it. wondering all this what if i've had it all a long. hahaha~!!! but humans are like that, they don't appreciate what ever they have and only realise it's goodness efter it's gone.

so how far would you go for another person? so found out oso that friends would go all out for those they care about. i know people who hate seeing people they care being ill treated. they would keep a grudge for you even after you yourself have long ago forgot about the incident. they would bare with you even for hours just to make sure you will be ok during the times you feel like pulling your own head off. you will agree to do the silliest things for the heck of it just to see your friend smile. i know people of all these trades. they are my friends. thankful for that... love you people to the max~!!!

actually i have nothing to blog about, just feel like typing something. feeling so blardy restless and tired. just feel like lazing. haiz~ so this entry is just about some random thoughts and crapz~ will blog properly later lar, k?