i kind of feel disappointed and cheated upon!! err... first i'd like to apologise for all the emo posts i've being posting. it's just that im feeling really emo-y lately... some of you might know why, some of you might not know why. see, my blog is on the world wide web, so if i'm blogging everything in too direct form, it might bring others to have a very bad impression on me. so i prefer to keep everything discrete. so my friends, if you want to know what's really going on, please contact me privately and maybe i will tell. hehe...

so right now, seriously, im feeling very cheated and disappointed. i've been made to make a promise, a promise so big it feels like i've just put on a very huge curse upon myself. i had no idea the promise could bring such a big impact on me. i thought once it's over, it's like over OVER and i would not think so much about it after that. but it's been nearly three damn weeks and it's still fresh like raw meat in my head.

i do not expect to be treated this way after i have fulfilled my promise. i want at least a bit of 'special' attention. maybe i'm hoping on too much. i was just thinking, was it that maybe i have done something wrong? did i say something bad? or i'm just plain naive? i tried to console myself saying things like, it's just a favor. i mean, how much do u expect to get back these days rite? but then again, it's not a very small favor!! i was told to move on once by my friends. i can't...

then another friend said i was being too paranoid. how can i not be? hahaha!! it's not easy. you do feel like you deserve to be appreciated more, seriously. but maybe psychologically, maybe your mind is messing around with you, fantasies tend to enhance your imagination and memories. i tried not thinking to much about it. but it's like there's this little person in the back of my brains that's just keep on reminding me of it. so the more i strive to not think about it, there will be a slight pain in my head till i just tell myself screw it about trying to forget.

i knew in some ways this favor was going to alter somethings if it's not physically, it will be mentally. i thought about it even before i promised to do the favor. but it's hard to resist when you were asked by some sugar coated mouth fella. so maybe it's my fault. and again, i just want to be appreciated a bit more than this. i can't go around pretending i did not do the favor. it's like running away after commiting a murder. i'm just not a person who can do that.

seiously, i'm not hoping for a lot, i just want a little bit more than just this. just a little more. maybe i should have a new life princip. maybe i should not be too soft hearted. but seriously, i do not need my favor to be returned, i just want a little bit more appreciation and gratitude, that's all. because right now i feel like a door mat.