i freaking feel freaking guilty now lar~ huhu...
i've done something really bad, and i think im very hated by people now~!!! boohoo~!!! i know i should do it. that's why im not treating the situation as i'm suppose to treat as if it's a real situation. i just don't want to drown myself with too much emotions, because i know the situation is not stable. but i'm so hurting people's feelings in the process. i feel freaking bad.
because seriously, the situation is not like what it seems. it's not as wonderful, it's not as flowery... it's just not. in fact i treat the situation a level lower than it's suppose to be. because i not the situation is just not mend to be how it is now. i know it's better off being how it originally is and stay that way. but because of my selfihness and involvement, it's very messy now.
sometimes i feel like i have to quite this ugly situation. because 1st of all, i hate to live in a lie. lie to myself, lie to people i truly care and love, lie to the world. and worse of all, im hurting many people in the process. but i don't know why i'm letting myself make matters worse. im such an idiot. somebody please hit my head hard *i know somebody who's reading this who'd be more than willing to do so*.
it's really not the fact that i might break my own heart by quitting, but i don't even know what's holding me back. the situation might more or less still be the same only having a diferent title to it, maybe that's why im not doing anything~ i feel evil. huhu...
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Josh Groban - To Where You Are
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are my forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
**To my favourite friend Wan Ting, I feel your pain, I miss him as much as you miss him too. I know no matter what I do or tell you, I couldn't bring him back to you. I might never understand or feel what you are going through right now, but I promise to always be here to hear you out, to make you feel better in any ways. I hope and pray that you'll be strong and pull through this nightmare**
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are my forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
**To my favourite friend Wan Ting, I feel your pain, I miss him as much as you miss him too. I know no matter what I do or tell you, I couldn't bring him back to you. I might never understand or feel what you are going through right now, but I promise to always be here to hear you out, to make you feel better in any ways. I hope and pray that you'll be strong and pull through this nightmare**
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Emo lAr~!!!!
huhu... i emo suddenly... I'm all alone at home, by choice, but suddenly i just feel so alone and emo-y... huhu... i don't even know what I'm missing so badly.
this is another weird part of me, i can't stay alone or at home for too long, I'll just get very depressed. especially when in times of stress and worrisome. how? how? who will come and rescue me?? XD
so right now im blasting my music... so that the songs will drown out my anxiousness. i don't even know why i feel so very restless. i'm suppose to have many things to do, but i cant concentrate lar.
my sister recieved an official letter from UEM Group, the corporation that supported her scholarship, yesterday. they are asking my sister to return to malaysia to serve her bond as soon as possible. so my sister did some serious thinking and decided that she'll most probably come back to Malaysia to work by end of this year.
so with that said, if she really does come back, it'll leave me 2 places to choose from when i'm choosing places to work after i graduate. i'm not planning to go to australia anymore. instead, i'll either begin 1st at either KL or Singapore, depending on the situation.
this is yet another very random post. i'm so sorry i have nothing interesting to tell. hahaha!!!
this is another weird part of me, i can't stay alone or at home for too long, I'll just get very depressed. especially when in times of stress and worrisome. how? how? who will come and rescue me?? XD
so right now im blasting my music... so that the songs will drown out my anxiousness. i don't even know why i feel so very restless. i'm suppose to have many things to do, but i cant concentrate lar.
my sister recieved an official letter from UEM Group, the corporation that supported her scholarship, yesterday. they are asking my sister to return to malaysia to serve her bond as soon as possible. so my sister did some serious thinking and decided that she'll most probably come back to Malaysia to work by end of this year.
so with that said, if she really does come back, it'll leave me 2 places to choose from when i'm choosing places to work after i graduate. i'm not planning to go to australia anymore. instead, i'll either begin 1st at either KL or Singapore, depending on the situation.
this is yet another very random post. i'm so sorry i have nothing interesting to tell. hahaha!!!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
So Random~
huhu... i just found out that one of my assignment's dateline is much sooner than i thought. so stressed out already. i don't even know how to do that stupid assignment. then have to buat tebal kulit ask my cousin in terengganu to complete a bit for me. huhu... so shy...
by the way, i didn't know that my blog entries can hurt people's feelings. mayb im just very insensitive lar. but how can am emo post hurt people? i also don't understand. my blog is a place of zen and peace for me. whatever blogged here has nothing to do with the dead or alive. it's just my personal feelings. i think i should put a disclaimer's note lar~
aiyo... one week did not go for sports already i feel like a slug~ huhu... i don't thnk i'll have time for sports next week sumore. i also don't know how.got tummy again already. but i think i'll be going for swimming lesson on sunday morning~ yay~!!
and another thing~ i feel so free~!!! i have no restrictions, i can make my own decisions, anything~!!! no pun intended. seriously. just celebrating me being young and happy and free. i'm appreciating this more than ever now. seriously.
by the way, i didn't know that my blog entries can hurt people's feelings. mayb im just very insensitive lar. but how can am emo post hurt people? i also don't understand. my blog is a place of zen and peace for me. whatever blogged here has nothing to do with the dead or alive. it's just my personal feelings. i think i should put a disclaimer's note lar~
aiyo... one week did not go for sports already i feel like a slug~ huhu... i don't thnk i'll have time for sports next week sumore. i also don't know how.got tummy again already. but i think i'll be going for swimming lesson on sunday morning~ yay~!!
and another thing~ i feel so free~!!! i have no restrictions, i can make my own decisions, anything~!!! no pun intended. seriously. just celebrating me being young and happy and free. i'm appreciating this more than ever now. seriously.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
8 Simple Facts
Tagged by Yong Hwee.
1) Each player must post these rules first.
2) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3) People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
Leonie’s Eight Random Facts
1. I can't catch balls thrown at me to save my life.
2. I tend to not listen to anyone other than to my own conscience.
3. I have elaborate imagination on everything (e.g. while reading, in times of trouble) which can cause me to be very paranoid at times.
4. I'm very random in conversations, while talking, i can switch topics like switching television channels.
5. I'm a big big fan of fantasy and superheroes genre movies, think Fantastic Four, X-men, TRANSFORMERS and Harry Potter.
6. Coffee is a drug to get rid of headache and mirgrain, to me, not to keep me awake.
7. I'm a sucker for surfers and basketball players (kind of looks). lengthy, tanned skin, hyper-active and boyish cute cute look.
8. I couldn't get over a guy that I have been obsessing for years~!!!!
Now, I tag:
Su Ling
May Pin
Sumi
Jacyln
Shi En
Alicia
Stephanie
Alex
1) Each player must post these rules first.
2) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3) People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
Leonie’s Eight Random Facts
1. I can't catch balls thrown at me to save my life.
2. I tend to not listen to anyone other than to my own conscience.
3. I have elaborate imagination on everything (e.g. while reading, in times of trouble) which can cause me to be very paranoid at times.
4. I'm very random in conversations, while talking, i can switch topics like switching television channels.
5. I'm a big big fan of fantasy and superheroes genre movies, think Fantastic Four, X-men, TRANSFORMERS and Harry Potter.
6. Coffee is a drug to get rid of headache and mirgrain, to me, not to keep me awake.
7. I'm a sucker for surfers and basketball players (kind of looks). lengthy, tanned skin, hyper-active and boyish cute cute look.
8. I couldn't get over a guy that I have been obsessing for years~!!!!
Now, I tag:
Su Ling
May Pin
Sumi
Jacyln
Shi En
Alicia
Stephanie
Alex
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
a little bit of updatez~
have not updated in a long time ya... so sorry. i was very busy~
so last week was harry potter mania week. i have finish reading the last installment to that book series. my overview about it will be that it's a bit slow moving, i was reading till more than half the book and it seem like it's still flat like as if it's 'not going anywhere'. the ending is some how predictable and there were a few twists. overall i will give it a 3.5 star rating out of 5 lar. not too bad.
and another thing that happen last week was that i watched the live action movie of 'Transformers" for the 3rd and 4th times. hahaha~!! somehow it's still the best movie for this year. even while watching for the 4th time, i still don't find it fake. it's like as if the used real robots to act in that movie. oh my god~ joneil and i could actually sit and challenge each other on how much script we could remember. fade and i was sitting and counting the number of scenes starscream appeared.
after the sports frenzy weeks, now my forearm feels fuller. it's even harder to pinch now. hehe... im quite impress with my own and also my friends' stamina and motivation to keep on going with the frenzy. it's like back to back sports. all of us are getting tanner and tanner. and no longer noobs at the sports, but not pro also lar.
another thing is that last night my friends and i went to crystal bay for ikan bakar. it was a rainy and wet evening. so naturally there was many giant ants all around the place. i do not know how did they bakar put fish but went it arrived, jooli peel a portion n passed it to me. just when i was about to dig into it, i noticed a bug's wing on my fish. then when i looked properly, there ws actually a full bodied 'burnt' giant ant on the fish. i shouted unconciously 'what the fuck' and stunted the whole gang. then june looked over not knowing actually what i was cussing for till she saw the giant ant. ya... it practically made me lose all my apetite after that.
so last week was harry potter mania week. i have finish reading the last installment to that book series. my overview about it will be that it's a bit slow moving, i was reading till more than half the book and it seem like it's still flat like as if it's 'not going anywhere'. the ending is some how predictable and there were a few twists. overall i will give it a 3.5 star rating out of 5 lar. not too bad.
and another thing that happen last week was that i watched the live action movie of 'Transformers" for the 3rd and 4th times. hahaha~!! somehow it's still the best movie for this year. even while watching for the 4th time, i still don't find it fake. it's like as if the used real robots to act in that movie. oh my god~ joneil and i could actually sit and challenge each other on how much script we could remember. fade and i was sitting and counting the number of scenes starscream appeared.
after the sports frenzy weeks, now my forearm feels fuller. it's even harder to pinch now. hehe... im quite impress with my own and also my friends' stamina and motivation to keep on going with the frenzy. it's like back to back sports. all of us are getting tanner and tanner. and no longer noobs at the sports, but not pro also lar.
another thing is that last night my friends and i went to crystal bay for ikan bakar. it was a rainy and wet evening. so naturally there was many giant ants all around the place. i do not know how did they bakar put fish but went it arrived, jooli peel a portion n passed it to me. just when i was about to dig into it, i noticed a bug's wing on my fish. then when i looked properly, there ws actually a full bodied 'burnt' giant ant on the fish. i shouted unconciously 'what the fuck' and stunted the whole gang. then june looked over not knowing actually what i was cussing for till she saw the giant ant. ya... it practically made me lose all my apetite after that.