Hoist~~

Recently I have been enjoying watching cartoons early in the morning, while I got ready to go to work. I mean, cartoons are really a no brainer. I mean, they are easy watching, fun and funny. You will laugh, sometimes, I think they are better than orgasms. haha~

Well one favorite cartoon of mind is this animated series Miss Spider's Sunny Patch. It's about a family of bugs. Their brood consist of spiders, dragonfly, and lady bugs. This guy, Bounce, is my favorite character. he is so cute. I can roll on the floor laughing each time he comes on screen. His memorable "Hoist~... Hoist~... Hoist~", oh my god. so cute.

Thinking about him makes me laugh even when I'm alone. Anyways I will be back in Melaka for the next four days. Working has been fun and more productive lately and I'm getting more used to living and working here. Well, some people might think like wise but to me I'm happy for now. Enjoying my 1st pay increment (annual & upon confirmation).

Well really there are so many happier things in life to think about. Why do I have to dwell only on one part right? I have many more things to take care off. Namely myself and other commitments. Enough of thinking for others. If appreciation follows, I would not even mind, but when you have been betrayed, well, no more. Thanks.

Some people only feels a tinge of what I have felt. If that hurt, just imagine yourself being just half of me. You will know it hurts bloody much more. Well, I blame nobody, but myself, I brought it to myself didn't I? I'm facing the effects. Bad on you, Leo.

Enough for now, can't wait to meet the love of my life later in the evening. Man, I think about him every day~~ I miss him so damn much. Come let me share a glimpse of his hot body with you =)

Kye Kye eh~ ee ee sayang you oo...

Apparently there will be an event for him at Tesco Damansara for my handsome man. hehe~~ Watch out for him ladies~~

http://www.tesco.com.my/html/clubcard.aspx?ID=6&PID=356&Name=Baby%20Contest%20Winner&LID=1&Repost=True

What on Earth...

Some people are just so ignorant. So naive. So... I just can't say more. I have forgiven. I found something today which is suppose to hurt me. But somehow, I'm just not in the mood for anger anymore. I mean, what for, right?

Bloody hell have I been used to the maximum lately. I only know it now. But what the heck, like as if I don't know it already. I move on. I have to. At this point it's either I sink or I swim. I even have life savers, so many of them, around me. I shall just grab one right?

Why am I this blessed to have this shit up my ass in this life? Somehow I'm also thankful for it as I 'enjoy' it earlier rather than when everything is even more messed up and too late. I don't want to dwell into the past and rather just move on. But crap, does hurt just have to come again and again?

People ask me to look forward and I'm worth much more than this. I'm letting go bit by bit. Do I really want a guy who just knows how to cheat and lie to me? Do I really want to sacrifice my all for someone who just knows how to give his love somewhere else?

Move on Leo, you have to. Why am I still thinking about him? Maybe I really have put in too much, hoped for too much. But yet again, I'm really not the one at the losing end though. Enough is enough. Right now I'm just here to give what I can afford. Not to buy friendship, not to buy attention, no more.

Pointers from The Kois...

is it difficult to love? or is it more difficult to let go? why do they make it look so easy to just break up and leave on TV, but in reality it is this complicated? Why cant it really be like what we see, a tub of ice cream, sobbing to romantic classics and the next day you are back on your feet, looking far forward and ahead. But in reality it's so far from that.

God, the past 2 months is like a roller coaster of life. Total madness. Sometimes I do wish that I would wake up and it's all just a bloody nightmare. But bite after bite, scratch after scratch, I'm still sitting here in total torture. Mind draining... exhausting... like an epitome of heart, soul and life crushing. And yet... still here I'm sitting with a face covered with dried up tears and head full of bitterness.

So many things have happened. I think I have grown more mature and I'm stronger now. I will not sit and let myself be a push over anymore. I have learnt to stand on my feet for once. Why would I want to give pride and name to others while all they do is step all over me right? Yes, I have succeeded giving fame and power to him. Loads of it in fact, till he thought that he had achieve them himself. Joke's on you, buster.

So now I won't let it happen again. Let whoever your current victim is to enjoy what I went through. No I'm not angry, I realise I should not be anymore. It's true that no matter what, he will always own a portion of my heart. But I have no idea how much more patience I have left. Will can't believe that it took so much to unleash the dark side of me.

As much as it sounds like an ego talk, but there's only one of me. And if he doesn't know how to appreciate it, someone else soon will. I'll just take it as it's not my lost. He has put me through the worse heartache or should I say heart break? It'll take time to heal. I will look at my favorite models the kois... determine to achieve success and fearless when faced with failure. I'm strong.

Is it that difficult to let go? Is it quite as difficult to establish a new routine in life? How come it seem easy to some people yet some take forever? Or is many people just living in disguise. I know some people who are very happy wearing masks and leading a two face life to fool more than one person at a time. I do wonder who's the fool at the end of the day actually.

It doesn't take much to learn the truth really. I enjoy doing it. Now a days I'm definitely more straight forward on saying what I favor and what I despise. One bitten twice shy? Well, it doesn't really apply in this matter. I had been bitten many times, I choose to forgive. But a repeatation... no way now.

Oh well, there are some apologises which I owe and many more I'm waiting from. But oh well, living in this world now, times change and people change. Especially from people who thinks they got it all and deserves the best, oh well, I do not expect much then. But on my part, I'm truly sorry to have created chaos. It would not be so if some people knew a little bit of humanity. But the situation made me do it. Just sorry...

Well, job's going well so far. Better in fact. It's getting more comfortable to live up here. i feel more 'important' to my section too. Tasks are getting heavier and there are more responsibilities. But it's feeling better already. Sorry that I have not been keeping in touch with many people dear to me lately. I do hope there will be a meet up soon. Love always...

Elijah Skye Falcon

He is Elijah Skye Falcon a.k.a Kye Kye

He is my favorite Man, my baby nephew

He loves balloons but love us much more...

He really is a charmer...

Man, I think he's growing up to be more of a heart breaker each day~

We love you Skye~~

We are all so proud of you for winning the CUTEST BABY contest organized by Tesco~~

After Some Time

What is love? The question that I have asked so many times. It's been almost a year since have joined the rat race. It's been a turmoil for my life. So many things changed, so many things happen. I don't know where to say for the better or for the worse. I guess it had changed me in so many ways. I learn...

I want to just not look back and forgive. Not keep talking about the past. Learn from mistakes and not dwell on them. But why is it so damn difficult, why does it still hurt me this much? Life really have been easier if you're asking me. But many parts of me still feel that pinch. Many I dived in too deep. Did too much. Maybe even a large part of me had expected too much.

I'm sorry to those I have hurt lately from my emotional swings and bad temper. I searching for myself again. I'm picking up the pieces and trying to live happier and stronger. I will try to not feel too cheated or betrayed. I will try to accept things. On the oter hand, I really hope other parties involved will understand and stay strong too.

I have got myself into deep shit. Too deep that I'm struggling myself. But sometimes it feels that I'm struggling alone. I know I had gotten myself into this and should solve it myself. In time i will heal... In time I will once again pick up the broken and find the lost pieces.

My sincere apologies to those involved... truly...

Hard For Me To Say I'm Sorry

Everybody needs a little time away,
I heard her say, from eachother.
Even lovers need a holiday,
far away, from each other.

Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to stay.
After all that we've been through.
I will make it up to you, I promise you. ( baby)
And after all that's been said and done.
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

Couldn't stand to be kept away,
Not for a day, from your body. ( not even a day)
Wouldn't want to be swept away, (away)
far away, from the one that I love.

Hold me now.
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.
I just want you to know. (you to no)
Hold me now.
I really want to tell you I'm sorry.
I could never've let you go.

After all that we've been through.
I will make it up to you.
I promise you.
And after all that's been said and done.
You're just a part of me I can't let go. ( i cant let go)

After all that we've been through.
I will make it up to.
I promise to.

You're gonna be the lucky one.

When we get there gonna jump in the air.
No one sees us cause there's nobody there.
After all you know we really don't care.
Hold on, I was gonna take you away.

*****

I hope it's not too late... I really miss you. I'm sorry for how I've been lately... my temper, my threats... my emotions... I miss you, I really do. I'm sorry for being difficult... I don't know what to do to prove how bad and horible I feel lately, but I just really need a sign from you...