is it difficult to love? or is it more difficult to let go? why do they make it look so easy to just break up and leave on TV, but in reality it is this complicated? Why cant it really be like what we see, a tub of ice cream, sobbing to romantic classics and the next day you are back on your feet, looking far forward and ahead. But in reality it's so far from that.
God, the past 2 months is like a roller coaster of life. Total madness. Sometimes I do wish that I would wake up and it's all just a bloody nightmare. But bite after bite, scratch after scratch, I'm still sitting here in total torture. Mind draining... exhausting... like an epitome of heart, soul and life crushing. And yet... still here I'm sitting with a face covered with dried up tears and head full of bitterness.
So many things have happened. I think I have grown more mature and I'm stronger now. I will not sit and let myself be a push over anymore. I have learnt to stand on my feet for once. Why would I want to give pride and name to others while all they do is step all over me right? Yes, I have succeeded giving fame and power to him. Loads of it in fact, till he thought that he had achieve them himself. Joke's on you, buster.
So now I won't let it happen again. Let whoever your current victim is to enjoy what I went through. No I'm not angry, I realise I should not be anymore. It's true that no matter what, he will always own a portion of my heart. But I have no idea how much more patience I have left. Will can't believe that it took so much to unleash the dark side of me.
As much as it sounds like an ego talk, but there's only one of me. And if he doesn't know how to appreciate it, someone else soon will. I'll just take it as it's not my lost. He has put me through the worse heartache or should I say heart break? It'll take time to heal. I will look at my favorite models the kois... determine to achieve success and fearless when faced with failure. I'm strong.
Is it that difficult to let go? Is it quite as difficult to establish a new routine in life? How come it seem easy to some people yet some take forever? Or is many people just living in disguise. I know some people who are very happy wearing masks and leading a two face life to fool more than one person at a time. I do wonder who's the fool at the end of the day actually.
It doesn't take much to learn the truth really. I enjoy doing it. Now a days I'm definitely more straight forward on saying what I favor and what I despise. One bitten twice shy? Well, it doesn't really apply in this matter. I had been bitten many times, I choose to forgive. But a repeatation... no way now.
Oh well, there are some apologises which I owe and many more I'm waiting from. But oh well, living in this world now, times change and people change. Especially from people who thinks they got it all and deserves the best, oh well, I do not expect much then. But on my part, I'm truly sorry to have created chaos. It would not be so if some people knew a little bit of humanity. But the situation made me do it. Just sorry...
Well, job's going well so far. Better in fact. It's getting more comfortable to live up here. i feel more 'important' to my section too. Tasks are getting heavier and there are more responsibilities. But it's feeling better already. Sorry that I have not been keeping in touch with many people dear to me lately. I do hope there will be a meet up soon. Love always...
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