Done and Over With

Qoute of the month:-

"She looks like a girl who will be happy as long as she gets it~"

XD ~ =) ~ XD

******

Please excuse my craziness. haha~!! Can't help it. Just got back from my blissful break for the month of June. Have not been spending that much time at home or with the family in a long time. Mum and dad seem to be so happy that after so long the whole family was at home together. The family meals, the celebration and the baby to cheer up the whole.

Spent all of the days at home. Did not go out at all. Something new, awkward and strange feelings, but enjoyable in all sense. The past years were spend driving miles to spend time with another family. The family which I'm so ashamed to meet anymore. But I will always cherished the times and moments. Well, I wish them joy and happiness from now.

Well I have cheered up quite a lot, sort of like recharged my internal battery. So much unconditionakl love from home and all around me. Made me think, why should I be dwelling in the past when there's so much to look forward to. Yes, I have lost a lot from my own mistakes, but I know and I will rebuild them all again.

I have decided that I will no longer be making my own life difficult or live in misery. Why should I seem so pathetic and put myself as low as some people. Why should I be that angry or hurt when those feelings only come from one side? People are enjoying themselves on the other side, me pathetically 'begging' for the love. Bodoh sial... So I decided, no need anymore. Don't have to disgrace myself or put myself that low anymore.

Well at least I know that I have tried hard enough. I have to in fact thank some certain parties for freeing me from the burden and suffering. I hope you will do a better job than me. I hope the situation treats you better too. Well, for your infomation, I found out that I has cheated at the VERY early stages of things. I choose to be blinded *drives head against wall*. But it's the past and over now.

Well, at least I taste my own medicines now, the karma has bitten my ass. At least it's MY ass, and won't be brought forward to my future XD. Thanks to all my favorite people in my life. Thanks for standing by me. Thanks for holding me. I know how hard headed I can be. My stubborness sometimes overule. but it's because of all of you that I stand again. It's because of all the love and support that I stop crying.

I have learnt. I won't be that kind hearted anymore. Well, my past had ruined me in a way. I had given my all and it'll take time to recollect everything. I have to learn to be a bit more selfish. Till then...

Spring - Romantis

Bagaimana
Harus kita meneruskan
Percintaan yang terluka
Masa dulu

Andainya kau sendirian
Dan kau masih lagi mencariku
Di sini aku menanti mu

Kenangi saat indah kau dan aku
Waktu itu hidup kita romantisnya
Kita pun berlari-lari mengejar ombak
Di pantai kasih
Akhirnya aku kau tinggalkan

Sejarah cintaku yang lalu oh...
Hanyalah ujian bagimu
Seandainya kau perlukan aku
Ku masih ada di sini
Seandainya aku tiada lagi
Simpanlah cintaku
Di dadamu oh... sayang

( 1 )
Cuba kau ingat kembali
Masa lalu
Kasihku teguh buatmu
Walaupun terluka namun ku bersabar
Dan masih menyayangi

Andainya kau ada yang lain
Waktu ini
Apalah dayaku lagi
Terpaksalah aku membawa diriku
Dan hanya Tuhan saja yang mengerti

( ulang dari 1 )

Kalau aku mengelamun sendirian
Berderai airmata di pipiku
Kerana terlalu pilunya hatiku
Kau pergi dariku tanpa pesan
Di sudut hatiku yang terluka ini
Terpahat namamu Kaulah kekasih


************************

Bie, thanks for the memories of us. Life goes on I realise that. I'm tying to be strong, I hope you do to. Appreciate what's in front of you now. I realise that we can never be like before anymore. Sorry for all the recent dramas, the shirt, the slaps, everything. At anytime you need a shoulder to cry on or a pillar of support, the above dedication is to let you know that you are and will always be someone special in my life. My best wishes to you...

-Your ex-Bie.

The Forbidden Kingdom of Gups

bloody hell please please please stop throwing your anger on me~!!!!! You fight your own battle please~!!!!! Just because you can't win that war doesn't mean you have to bloody pee on my warriors graves. You had won the war between your kingdom and mine. Go back to your homeland and fight your other brotherhood war don't bloody get me involved in your new blood spill~!!!!!

bloody hell you... *uses stick and pokes you repeatedly* ....

I owe you nothing idiot. Go back to where you belong. You already have everything you wanted. Go enjoy it and leave me alone. Let me pout and throw my tantrums in peace, thank you. Save your bloody anger for the war you are fighting. I bloody already surrendered my ego, gave you the white flag, surrendered my weapons. You have won~!!

When once our lands were at peace, you burn my villages one by one, claiming it was for the good. Out of anger I attacked your castle. You then destroyed my whole land. Now I have nothing. And I'm trying to rebuild my kingdom. You still have all your man and your riches. Go and enjoy them. You had conquered another land too. Go and enlarge your kingdom further and leave me alone please~!!!!!!

You had gained so much from my kingdom
You even shared them with other kingdoms
You once left my people toiling for your own riches
In return you left my land in flames
Now you pee on my warriors graves too
You had even given our joined national anthem to another kingdom

WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME~!!!!! Can't you go build your bloody kingdom somewhere far far away from mine now~!! At least give me the time to rebuild my army and give my villages better lives first. Maybe by then we can have another battle alright?

To You

I'm sorry that I threw my temper that way. I'm sorry that you had to hear and witness it. I'm sorry if it hurt you. But who are you to judge me? You should know how I feel. Have you had someone you loved so dearly and would even die for if you really had to, walk away from you like you meant nothing? I bet you had not. Your pretty face shows so much ego, so much pride, so much like you think you deserve the world and nothing bad. You have never felt it being someone like me!!

Who are you to ask me what's my problem when you already should know. You have won, enjoy your trophy. At least I know heaven still have a place for me. I know I did the same mistake as you in the past, but i repent. I bloody repent. I took the responsibility and took care of him. Repair the mistake and damage I had done. Took care of him like a mother would to a child, like a sister would to her blood brother, and especially like Juliet would to Romeo. What did you give him? Nothing. You walked away. How heartless and cold you are.

You already know where you stand in his life. The place that I had strive for 2 years. You got there without effort. Do you know how to appreciate it? So what if he did mistakes, can't you even give him the chance to prove that he can change? I had let him go. And I let him go because of you. Do you have to leave too? It kills me to see what's he going through now. It hurts me, because I know I would never have done it if I were in your position. 2 years I strive, he had not a moment of hunger, not a moment of loneliness. You ruin it. Thanks.

Think about all that I had said thoroughly. Sorry if it was too crude, sorry if it's too straight forward. You pay for the price of your actions. You choose this path. You face the consequences. I did not leave till you made your grand entrance. You won the crown. Make a concrete decision please. Why do you let things be this messy and still want to keep things hanging? Enjoy your prize or move on. You told me to wake up. I'm telling you to grow up.

Everytime

Everytime I thought I miss you,
I wonder if you ever did miss me,
It brings hurt to me.

Everytime I thought I longed for your touch,
I think of you caressing her,
It brings tears to me.

Everytime I thought of calling you,
My conscience says no, cause you do not want to call me,
I found strength from it.

Everytime I felt guilty,
I thought of all the lies and cheats you had thrown my way,
I pick up my pride from there.

Everytime I felt like running back to you,
I picture you running into the arms of her,
I learn to stand my ground.

Everytime I longed for your sweet words,
I knew you gave them to not 1 or 2 but probably even 8 others,
I woke up.

Everytime I thought I was not good enough,
I thought further and knew I had given in my best,
It built my confidence.

Everytime I felt like falling,
I thought of you having such a great time without me,
I stood back up.

Everytime I felt that I was weak,
I thought back on times where you hit me at my lowest point,
I realise I was already stronger.

Everytime I felt lost or empty,
I realise I was not the one at the losing end,
I became the bigger person.

Everytime I felt like crying,
I realise it was no longer your comfort i was craving,
I know I will get over you~

So Much For My Happy Ending

My heart is shattered, walking on the way to meet you, knowing that things are different now. My chest felt empty, my eyes swollen from the recent thunder storm. But I told myself that I have to be strong. So many mixed feelings and thoughts in my head. Part of me just wanted to destroy you, part of me filled with hatred, part of me told me to forgive somehow.

I walked, finding myself, picking up the missing pieces. I knew one day the wound in my heart will heal, the emptiness perhaps will one day be filled again. I had given my best and my worst. if this is the life's lesson that I had to learn, i will take it in whole. Let it be the end of an old chapter and a new one shall begin.

The situation now saddens me much. Hate what's happening to us. I would do anything to get a time turner so that non of these nonsense would be happening. Before this we cried, we screamed, we begged, we plead, we laughed, all just to fall back into each others' arms. Now the fact is sinking in, I will not be having those moments back.

You have loved again. It kills me to see you with someone else. But I'll keep strong. Masking my pain, holding back the tears. I will try not to let you see through me, see the suffering I'm going through. I do understand that part of us will always belong to each other. Nothing stops me from reminiscing about our memories.

Sometimes I really do feel like giving up on everything to start new. But you are someone so special in my life that I wish not to forget. I know we can get through this hard time. We can help each other through this. I also know that things will not be the same anymore. But we hold each other as 2 buddies, maybe even as siblings.

I do hope you keep our memories together safe in your heart. Truth to be told we had build a lot together. But yup, it's all ruin now. Anyway, thanks so much for the memories. You had given me life's biggest lesson. We grew up together. Gone are the promises, but maybe you will be better of without me. Gone are the efforts, but at least we know we have tried.

Thanks for being there for me all these while. Thanks for giving me the chance to love and to be loved by you. Thanks too for opening my eyes and learn. Thank you for everything. Time will heal. I believe...

I Will Always Love You

If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way

And I...
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
You
My darling you
Mmm-mm

Bittersweet
Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you
You, ooh

I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you

I, I will always love
You....
You
Darling I love you
I'll always
I'll always
Love
You..
Oooh
Ooohhh

******************

Loving you had been my life's best experience. You had brought me many types of memories good, great, sad, anger, disappointment, joy, love, happiness, commitments. So many things we had gone through. We sit and reminiscent, so many things that can make us smile, even make us irritated, make us cry and even bringing the missing feelings back. It's a difficult time for us both now. But I hope your life will shine again pretty soon. This experience will make us both grow up, we learn. Thanks for the memories, Bie. I will always love you.