The End of 2008 - Part II of the post on December 1st

So the year has come to an end. As I said, time literally flew pass especially the pass 6 months. I'm not sure to call it a good thing or a bad thing. Good in the sense that working up here is getting tougher and tougher, being so near yet so far from home and all. Everything I chase for currently lies in the heart of Melaka. Haiz...

So things did not really go as planned for me in the month of December. I was sick half the month, walking like a giant capital 'C' due to gastritis. Bad experience, don't want to get it again. But i got well after almost 2 weeks of agony. Then there was HWC, such fun I have this year. True to what Bie said, it's a wonder why we keep going back and year after year we strive harder and don't even complain one bit and the best part of all we are offering ourselves as FREE labor. It was hectic, slightly disorganized, but it was loads of fun. For the 1st time in my life (though I was once a Chairlady for this annual event) I felt like I was RUNNING a camp.

HWC taught me a lot throughout these years. From the 1st year (2000) as a participant, and again for the second time (2002) as a participant and 3 years (2004, 2005 and 2008) as a member of the organizing committee. Every single year was unique and has some things which a remember so clearly about.

Like the time I stood on stage for the Hymn Singing night, dumbfounded, I was blank and couldn't remember the lyrics, it taught me of courage, then they gave me a second chance and I told myself that I can do it, I sang. Also the friendships made there, are ones that last the longest. When I took the resposibility of Work & QM, I learnt of organizing and people skill. I would say thanks a million more times for giving me a chance to chair the event in one of the years. It had brought me far and I have learnt of leadership and management. This year is GOLDEN, I learnt to deal with personalities and problem solving. The most touching moment was when one of our most problematic participants gave me a hug at the end of the camp, at that moment I knew, I had changed someone. We jointly learnt to take on responsibilities, to embrace teamwork and to mark our presence and success, so that we will be an unforgettable and trusted icon to all.

That was a little a bout HWC, I'm looking forward to our committee gathering which actually is still in tha planning stage, but I'm sure it'll be a blast if it'll be a reality. What's in store is we'll have steanboat come teppanyaki and we'll all put up in a rented apartment either a resort or service apartment. Then we'll have a post mortem meeting where all faults are said out as well as heart to heart speeches. We'll find creative solutions and make resolutions for the following year's follow up and be as a guidance to the coming board of organizing committees. I really hope this gathering plan becomes a reality.

So I wonder what will year 2009 be for me? Let's attempt to create a list of resolutions. hmmmph.... I won't smoke, I won't drink, I'll stop clubbing... hahaha~ lame like as if I do all those. I just hope the year will be as sweet as how 2008 has been or maybe be even sweeter. I hope everything will be smooth flowing and life will be filled with joy, love, laughter and happiness.

wishing everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009~!!! Have a blast and get drunk~!!! Enjoy on my behalf as I'm stuck on the mountain and are working tommorrow~!!!

Random Survey

ONE.
If your lover betrayed you, how will you react?
* Things may not always seem like how it looks. I will 1st question him. Telling him if it's real, I know, If it's not then explain. Then if he admits, i will walk the other direction and let karma takes it's cause on him~!! eat that~!!

TWO.
If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
*Own whatever I've been eyeing (e.g the car, the house, the wardrobe, the life...)

THREE.
Whose butt would you like to kick?
*oooo... you have no idea ***winks at YHwee***, if i get the chance perhaps it's not only the butt that i want to kick, trust me.

FOUR.
What would you do with a billion dollars?
*Own a yatch and a private jet and maybe a private island and just live life wasting no brainer time and cash. Invest some too so that i won't go dry.

FIVE.
Would you fall in love with your best friend?
*can't imagine. if one had earn the title best friend from me, the person becomes literally 'genderless' in my eyes. how to date someone who i see as same level as me?

SIX.
Which do you think is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
*my world does not revolve around his neither does his revolve around mind. we love each other and are commited to each other. so maybe it's a balance in terms of how much i love him and vice versa. i feel blessed enough.

SEVEN.
How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
*been there done that for about a year. won't do that again. it's torturing especially times when you really wonder what could be going through his mind. it's like sitting on a fence, it's either you fall onto the side full of wonders or the other side which has nothing. if i have to say how long will i wait (again), i would say i prefer a definite answer soonest possible.

EIGHT.
If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
*some people just has a weird approach to this (speaking through 1st hand experience). i personally will hold no hope if the other person is already attached, act of respect to his other half.

NINE.
If you were to act with someone, who would it be?
*I love love LOVE Hugh Jackman, it's like the most perfect guy alive right now. Hot, steaming hot. He has the looks, the bod, the cash, a fantastic family man... everything~!!!

TEN.
Would you invite your ex bf/gf to your wedding?
*Depends on who, if i were to invite that ONE person and he decides to cry there or ask stupid questions like 'can we be together?', i think i rather dodge the bullet.

ELEVEN.
How would you see yourself in ten years time?
*I want to be a housewife~!! mau jaga anak kat rumah tunggu suami kasi duit. No lar, i still want to be a career woman, so that if shit happens, i still have a firm ground to stand on.

TWELVE.
What's your greatest fear?
*Lies, betrayal...

THIRTEEN.
What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
*No one tagged me, just felt bored in the office on a Public Holiday and was just finding something to do. Stole it from a fren's blog ***sorry***

FOURTEEN.
Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
*Single and rich~!! with money i can do almost anything. while i'm still young, i choose cash as there's just so much that I want to do. love and marriage can wait for a while more~

FIFTEEN.
What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
*give a big huge sigh...***hAiZ***

SIXTEEN.
Would you give all in a relationship?
*No, I learnt to not hope too much, shit can occur anytime. I can't even let myself love wholely now.

SEVENTEEN.
If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
*wah~ depending. I always make wrong moves and choices tho. I would go with my heart in the heat of the moment.

EIGHTEEN.
Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
*I forgive a wee bit too fast. but i tend to remember the shit that has happened. in future i will be cautious.

NINETEEN.
Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
*Sort of having both currently. it's less headache when I'm single. but sometimes i do chase to have someone to constantly care and love me.

Life, Out of Singledom

I wonder how do you do it.

You make me worry, you make me feel insecure, you make me push aside all my egos. You keep making me come back for more...

Maybe it's the fact that you know what exactly tickles me, you know how to make me sad and angry but only to male me smile in the midst of the heated moment. You know what I want and what i need. You make me want to spoil you rotten like my very own little brat.

You make me want to talk talk talk. All the stupid arguements we have are like our little hobby. We bite on each other's tongues but we keep no hard feelings when it's over. Hearing your voice is like a cure to all loneliness and comfort to all pains.

You have my back through thick and thin. You held me up when I feel most vulnerable. You give me little surprises by proving to me how much you know me. You thought me many life's phylosophy to guide me through my emotional turmoils. You make me want to make you my world.

You have taught me of commitment and trust. It had taken a lot for the both of us to reach this level. The future might give us more and more challenges but, we will pull through each hurdle together. I just want to say, I love you.

Ponder...

who believes in the notation ' buat baik dibalas baik, buat jahat dibalas jahat'? Cause I'm starting to doubt it. Lately I have too many expectations to meet, I feel pressured. Can't believe I'm saying this, but seriously it feels like I'm being more pressured now than when I'm schooling.

Nothing I do seem to be noted or appreciated, but instead all I get back are just complains. Sure I know there is ample room for improvement. But sometimes all I want to hear is a simple "thank you". People don't even see that nowadays. I do everything full heartedly and sincerely and not even hoping for anything back, just a smile of gratitude, I'm satisfied, but no... that's not what I usually get, instead my head get freaking stepped on.

Am I too soft hearted? Do I do too many things too selflessly? Where did I go wrong? Or are their reactions just normal human behaviour? Anyways I'm talking in terms of everyone one, family, lover, friends... all the same. Sometimes just thinking about it makes my heart feel very pain. makes me feel small. makes me feel like I'm not giving enough.

People who knows me, knows that I'm a person who needs a lot of reassurance, I like to know that what I do is right, I want to know that I'm going the right direction, I want to reach my destination the fastest and most effective way. That's me. It's not that I cannot accept opinions and would not improve myself. But it's depressing to be told time and again that what I do is not enough. Is it wrong to just hope for a smile at the end of the day, and maybe a hug telling me "well done"?

I just felt like typing something in the morning, just wanted to talk...

Year 2008

Everyone seems to be talking about the year end already. Why so hurry? Very nice meh?

Let's just see what had the year gone been for me, the 1st half of the year had been a bit blurry for me already. I know I went to Uni, Had many K sessions, a little bit of a life's turmoil for a very close friend of mine, many overnight stays over my place, Yahoo! Games galore, clubbing and drinking as a leisure, and I GRADUATED.

Come to reflect, there were many memories from the time year 2008 begun. Friendship made from Uni became more precious. As precious time and moments spent at our over priced University started to tick away, we grew more comfortably into each other, the care, and all the heart put in made the parting, though we know it was eventual, difficult. We knew from then that once we step foot out of our comfort zone, life won't be the same again. We enjoyed to the max. The laughter shared and the tears shed were worth it.

The 2nd half of the year practically flew by. Perhaps it was the fact that I had a long LONG 3 months break after I graduated from uni. Was anticipated about working in Singapore at first, but was discouraged by the family on the grounds of life there is not easy with an average pay. So I changed my mind and started looking for a job closer to home. The job position im holding now came like a blessing. I started working up here on Genting Highlands for Resorts World Berhad in September as a Human Resource Executive. It's been great so far. Also realise, while I'm working up here that I'm in fact very much a homey person, can't believe how much i miss home despite complaining time and again about the 'suffocation' of living there.

I have mentioned about the main events of the year. Some of you might already know this, or kind of know this, or suspect of this, or pretend that you don't know of this, but for almost half a year now, I have another half. But it has been kept for quite a low profile. Only friends who we hang out with together knows about us for sure. We don't tell because of our own personal reasons. There had been ups and downs in our realtionship, some small waves some tsunami waves. But so far we had overcome all. It had taken us a lot to come to this level of understanding. Things has been good.

The next event that I'm looking forward to for the year is the Annual Holiday Work Camp. This time around, the committee members are consist of all the people closer to use. I hope it will be smooth sailing. Will be on a 8 days break in Melaka. So anyione in Melaka around that time, feel free to drop me a note then we can meet up ok?

I'm blogging to waste time, I don't feel like doing my official work. but I have to go back to it now. Will blog more again~

Missing Home...

I'm blogging during work. haha~!!

I'm bored. I'm working 7 days a week. My broke and my bills are due. cool?

In December I will be back in Melaka for 8 days straight due to HWC. Can't wait~!! Spending no brainer time with nothing to worry is so fun. I'm yearning for a sweet vacation tho.

Life on the mountain is pretty much the same day after day after day. It's becoming a routine. Can you believe that I'm off to bed at an average of 9.30pm every night, because I have nothing better to do?

But the good part about it is that I getting used to not having entertainment, as in living without the idiot box and it's more idiot big brother. Makes me miss Melaka more and somewhat miss socially ill activities such as clubbing and k-ing.

One part that i miss about not being at home is also, the friends and company and my Bie. Everything feels so at ease back home, so at reach, so convinient, so familiar, so ME. Doesn't mean I do not have friends up here, but I'm sure many of you get what i mean, the level of familiarity and comfort is different.

Friends, any of you have any series you can help me to download/burn/save/borrow? especially one tree hill, grey's anatomy, gossip girl and heroes? if yes, i want. I feel so outdated, I use to be among the 1st to watch every latest episodes, now i'm a whole season behind. so sedih...

Anyways, can't wait to be back at home... counting down the days... haha~!!!

Truth? Lie?

i don't assume things. i judge base on evidence and experience. if there should be a truth, i want to hear it 1st hand. im grateful for all 3rd party sources. cause if there weren't them, i will forever be in the dark. but i won't solely rely on 3rd party source until i have evidence of my own.

i value honesty. of cause i don't want to be made a fool. that's why i like clarification. i do not do assumption. to avoid accusation, i usually encourage explanation. that way, i believe misunderstanding can be avoided.

when i do something, i usually put my whole heart into it. i am a prefectionist to a certain extend. if there is an interferance, a lot of times i break down, but most of the time i want to find out why and how i could overcome it. that's why sometimes i can get too personal with things.

i read about certain people who believes in certain things but in reality fails to prove so. with that said many things could come out of it, one major part, miscommunication and misunderstandings. i do hear about peolpe who shamelessly assume things just to make things sound like or seem like how they want it to be. for what reason? i do not know.

but i don't deny that i might be the one to mistaken. but as i say, i don't say things before i check. i might be trusting the wrong person too, but yet again, i checked. but, i still do not wish to get hurt or hurt anyone in this matter. on a more selfish part, who doesn't want every thing good for themselves right?

i thank my 3rd party for alerting me, really appreciate it~~

Mix Emotions~

It was a weekend of fun, love and laughter~~ why must happy times pass so darn fast?? damn. i miss it and i miss him already...

feeling quite tired now. and also somewhat disorientated and loss for some reasons. for once since i started working up here on genting highlands, i feel like i want to be at some place else. sigh~~

i wish time will pass faster~~ oh god... make this sickening feeling go away please... sigh~ maybe it was the alcohol intake last night which made the feelings, which i've been trying to mask, enhanced. what should i do?

in future, i will know to think things through before doing anything stupid. though it could be fun at the moment (with the help of alcohol) but it's so worrifying afterwards. i hope things will be fine.

another thing is that, i don't know how to not worry about my possesions to be snatched by others. it could be karma though. blame it on myself. i try not to think about it too much, but honestly, it's so difficult. i feel lost.

these are all my own honest feelings i currently feel. i needed to talk.

New Life on The Mountain

I've started working for Resorts World Berhad for almost 2 weeks. Today, I shifted to my new office and finally have a PC to call my own. It's like breathing fresh air, because before today, I did not have any excess to the World Wide Web. Hehe...

Working up here is interesting so far. I do not have any official task or duty yet, as I'm still in the learning process. Everyone who has been working here for awhile tells me that it's not going to be easier working here. As we, the Human Resources department is handling a total number of 13,000 employees. Oh ya, I'm designated to the Human Resousrces - Personnel Services Department as HR Executive.

Life up here is getting easier to live by the day. I've made friends and getting closer with my working colleagues. I still have not sweat one bit for the 2 weeks that I've lived up here. It's cold everyday and it get colder at night. Speaking about night, I can't deny that living up here 24/7 gets me a little lonely at times, I do not have any entertainment, no TV, no internet... only my novels to accompany me when I lay down and do nothing at nights.

I won't be going back home till probably the 26th of this month, that's in another 14 days. I can't wait. No matter what, I do still feel a bit home sick. I miss the freedom I have at home. I do wish to stay working here for as long as possible, it really is a good trainning ground for us fresh grads. For now I'm living on positive thinking and try not to demotivate myself. If many of my superiors are able to stay so many years here, I'm sure I'm no exception.

Anyway friends, do come up here to Genting Highlands to enjoy and at the same time visit me ok? That's a little update about myself... I shall be on the mountain waiting for you guys to visit~!!

if gems where the most precious things on earth, what would you do if you got your hands on one? if i had a gem during that time, be it a diamond, or sapphire, or even a ruby, i will do all i can to protect it.

i will only want the best for it, keep it safe, keeping it at a place where it is always at eye shot. if gems where the most precious things, no matter what the value of the gem might be, i will want to keep it safe and not let any harm befall upon it.

the gem will be the apple of my eye. i will do my best to take good care of it, i will not want to misplace it. no doubt in future, i might or might not find another more precious gem, but for the moment, i will enjoy the pride of having this gem in my hands.

it will be the most painful thing if i accidentally dropped it then watch other people pick it up and not wanting to return it. along the way, i might meet people who might be willing to pay, to bide for my gem, of cause i will be tempted, but my love for the gem overwhelms everything else.

if someone offered me a high price to share my gem, i could break my precious gem into two and give it to the other person, but will i look at the gem the same way again? will my gem be sparkling the same way it had? 

but what if i'm just not good enough to own that gem?

Long Long Survey

Starting Time: 0130
Name : Leonie
Sisters : 1
Brothers : 1
Shoe size : 4
Height : 1.54m
Where do you live : Currently Bukit Beruang
Favourite drinks : COFFEE
Favourite breakfast : I don't eat breakfast
Have you ever been on a plane? : Often
Fallen asleep at school : nope
Broken someone's heart : big time
Fell off your chair : nope
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : semi conciously
Saved e-mails : i just don't delete them, ever~
What is your room like : lightning struck
What is right besides you : mug, hp, dvds, pimple cream, deck of cards
What is the last thing you ate : Mum's cooking [Yum~]
Ever had chicken pox : yup
Sore throat : yup
Stitches : nope
Broken nose : nope
Do you believe in love at first sight : erm, not really
Like picnics : yup, outdoors are fun
Who was/were the last person you danced with : hehe... it's either nick or something
Last made you laugh : shamus


Today did you :
Talk to someone you like : plenty
Kissed anyone : nope
Get sick : nope
Talk to an ex : nope
Miss someone : yeah, A LOT~!!
Best feeling in the world : that conversation... hehe...
Do you sleep with stuffed animals : bantal busuk got lar
What is under your bed : erm, i sleep on mattress on the floor...
Who do you really hate : None...
What time is it now? : 0149


Random :
Is there a person who is on your mind now : yup
Do you have any siblings : yup
Do you want children : yup
Do you smile often : yeah~~~
Do you like your hand-writing : yea
Are your toe nails painted : nope
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : hehehe... so long as it's soft...
What colour shirt are you wearing now : white
What were you doing at 7.00pm yesterday : in front of the tv
I cant wait till : i get a reply from my job applications~!!
When did you last cry : this evening, emo..
Are you a friendly person : yes lar~
Do you have any pets : nope
Where is the person you have feelings for right now ? : erm... a 2 hour car ride away...
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now : yup
Do you sleep with the TV on? : nope
What are you doing right now? : chatting
Have you ever crawled through a window? : yup
Can you handle the truth? : somehow i need to know right?
Are you too forgiving : YES
Are you closer to you mother or father : mummy
Who was the last person you cried in front of? : dad & mum
How many people can you say you've really loved? :  besides the family, only 2 more...
Do you eat healthy : sumtimes...
Do you still have pictures of you and your ex? : nope... din have any to start with
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? : yea... now words can never hurt me
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? : mum, sumtimes frens...
Are you loud or quiet most of the time? : rapid n loud n shrill
Are you confident? : i want to think so...


5 Things I was doing 10years ago :
1. was in 6 Anggerik

2. eating muffins from the school canteen

3. met new friends from tuition

4. sat for UPSR

5. did Tae Kwon Do


5 Things on my to-do list today :
1. Go Subang

2. before going Subang, must pack clothes...

3. Go makan at Strawberry Fields at Taipan

4. Meet Foong & Joo Li

5. Errants to do for the budak KL


5 snacks I enjoy (VERY VERY VERY MUCH):
1. Coffee

2. Roti Kahwin

3. Roti Jala

4. Cream Puffs

5. Berbagai Roti


5 Things I would do if I were a billionaire :
1. I'll own properties

2. I'll have my many dream cars

3. I'll do charity

4. I'll even adopt

5. I'll travel but different means of transportation [yatch, RV, jets]


5 of my bad habits :
1. Untidy

2. Emotional

3. Spend too much

4. Complainer 

5. Egoistic


5 Places I have lived in :
1. Bukit Beruang, Melaka

2. Kem Warisan, Masjid Tanah =D

3. Melbourne, Vic, Australia

4. N/A

5. N/A


5 Jobs I've had (and have, currently) :
1. Intern

2. Budak KL's PA

3. N/A

4. N/A

5. N/A


5 people I tag :
1. Jac

2. Yong Hwee

3. Shi En

4. Su Ling

5. Steph

I want to always be the apple of your eyes. it's not like I'm not trying, but nothing i do seem to be enough. somehow you will find fault in everything. Every little mistake I make seem like the biggest disappointment  to you.

I want you to understand what I'm going through. I want you to see me as me and not try to change me to be who you want me to be. I want you to understand why I do the things I do and not stop me from learning life in my own way.

I don't want to lie to you, but first it's the communication barrier that we should overcome. I want to talk to you like a filial daughter should but I can't when all you choose to see are my flaws. I not how you want me to be perhaps, but I just want you to love me for who and what I am. 

I want to feel comfortable around you again. I don't like the strain between us. Sometimes I wish that it was years ago where you would just lift me up and cuddle me like I'm the most precious thing that you have.

I love you and I'm sorry that I'm not who you expect me to be.

a little update.. hehe~

so that's the end of life in MMU, boy does time flies... seem like it was just not too long ago that i first walked in as an official student of MMU. Then the day came where i walked out for the last time as an official student. I'm now no longer an undergraduate. I've graduated.

But that's a little relief from one chapter of my life, now a new one will begin. It's now time for me to return some to the family and society. I think i have rested more than enough, I have had my vacations, and my weeks of worry free lazing at home, now I'm driven to job hunt. My first job interview was interesting, I've learnt a lot too. The failure to get the job position taught me to not take advantage of situations.

I have gone for another interview ever since. This time I hope I succeed.  Working will definitely change my prospects and view of life entirely. My responsibilities will have widen. There are many things which I will have to handle on my own. Consequently, I will be forced to learn to be more organized in many aspects as well. My main aim is to have as much savings as I can while not be too stingy on my miscellaneous spending. 

I realize I have taken for granted many things in life, one big part of it goes to my spending habits. Hopefully the working will give my the first hand view of the hardship of earning cash, perhaps then I will learn to be more thrifty. I have always like company in my life, being very reliant, dependent, by joining the work force, perhaps it will toughen me up. In short I'm really looking forward to start working. I want to feel responsible and 'grown-up'.

I will have to wait for 2 to 3 weeks to know the outcome of the job interview. I really counting on it. Will keep you update~

what would you do?

mistakes, we all do it. it is the way we perceive it that differs. some people will take it as a lesson in life, some people will regret what they do, some people just have no choice. but mistakes is one chapter in life that non of us can escape from. but what happens if you are not the one deciding how you want to solve you own mistake?

some mistakes don't to a certain extend, it may be reversible. but most of it, once occurred,  it is like spilt milk which will be difficult to recollected. because of that, many of use will than live with guilt which will take a long time to fade or in many cases, never fades till the day you are buried 6 feet under. perhaps that's why people always say, prevention is better than cure. but what if the mistake was done naively, or accidentally? 

i was brought up to think of the things i do, and face the consequences of my actions. basically, i was brought up to feel guilty and feel responsible for my own wrong doings. maybe to you it sounds wrong, or stupid, to me it's norm. i know i can't sleep peacefully on mistakes i do till i know that i have at least try to straighten things. i wonder how if i do a mistake so huge, i have to live with guilt all my life.

i have a soft spot, especially towards people that i love and care dearly about, about knowing or finding out about mistake of others and finding out about the consequences they have to face. as cliche as it might sound, but i feel bad and sad for them. i tend to imagine myself in that situation, facing the same things they have to go through, i cant help but feel dearly for them. it's the same sick and helpless feeling, knowing that you will only look from far and see what you hope is not their biggest life's mistake, happening to them.

the thought alone makes me sad and sigh loudly. but there's not much i can do, a big part of me cares a lot for the people around me, the other part bigger part can't do anything about it. maybe it's the way i perceive things, maybe it's not how it looks like to me. i just hope and pray for the best for them. i only wish you are still close and talking to me...

Disclaimer Note

Note: Readers, this blog is mainly dedicated to my feelings. I write what I'm feeling at that particular time. Blog post are mainly on life's events and how it personally effect me during that particular time unless other wise stated. I urge all readers to read the posts with an open mind. I do not mean to hurt or offend any reader, physically or emotionally, in anyways. If you find the contents of my blog offensive, please forgive me. As all content to the blog is self thought, it shall not be taken as any official references as there is no guarantee of accuracy, up-to-date, completeness, currentness, suitability and validity.

Regard, Leonie

it takes 2 to clap

where do i stand in you life? who am i to you? how am i suppose to give you an answer of what i want when there is so many things that i don't know? it takes 2 to clap when making a difficult decision like this.

i have feelings for u. i think it might be strong ones too. like you once said, it's been a long time, i am made out of flesh and blood too, would not have held on so long otherwise right? how would i know that you return the feelings? maybe it's true that we both are creatures of ego and will not express verbally how we feel.

i have to admit that i am scared and dare not put my whole heart in for fear of rejection and hurt. i need to feel that i am safe and secured. oh well, i did make noise about your nature but as a whole, if you do not go over board (i know that you know what i mean) i don't really bother. i just want to know that is my stand in your life...

Song Survey

1.) Put your music player on shuffle
2.) Press forward for each question.
3.) Use the song title as the answer
to the question
4.) NO CHEATING!


1.) How am I feeling today?
Eminem feat. Dido - Stan (Eeyer...im not a stalker fan lei)

2.) Where will I get married?
Our Lady Peace - Angels Losing Sleep (Aiyo... I'm not such a bad omen kua)

3.) What is my best friend's theme song?
Blake Lewis - How Many Words (Waa... really one of my best friends group assigned tone lei)

4.) What is/was highschool like?
Keane - A bad Dream (Omg... not really lar... most parts of highschool was ok lar... haha~!!)

5.) What is the best thing about me?
Alicia Keys - No One (Hehe... no one, no one, nooooo one)

6.) How is today going to be?
Guns & Roses - Every Rose has It's Thorns (Waa... who want to balas dendam on me ar?)

7.) What is in store for this weekend?
Linkin Park - In The End (Alamak seriously ar...)

8.) What song describes my parents?
Hans Zimmer - Theme for Pirates of the Caribbean (so damn kua chang ar? my parents not pirates lar)

9.) How is my life going?
Zac Afron & Venessa Hudgens - I Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You (Hahaha~!! I'm not so self obsessed lei)

10.) What song will they play at my funeral?
Pink - Stupid Girls (Waaa.... my funeral oso laugh at me as if I lived as a bimbo ar? too much lei... haha~!!)

11.) How does the world see me?
The Veronicas - Untouched (some parts of my life, quite relatable lar...)

12.) What do my friends really think of me?
Wang Lee Hom & Selina - Ni Shi Wo Xin Li De Yi Shou Ge {Music of My Heart} (Aiyo... really not ar? does it mean i talk too much ar?)

13) Do people secretly lust after me?
Simple Plan - Perfect (hahahaha~!!!)

14.) How can I make myself happy?
MLTR - Paint My Love (waaa... so much for a commitment shy person ar... *tsk *tsk)

15.) What should I do with my life?
Aslee Simpson - Pieces of Me (aiyo... seriously... im that 'flower hearted' ar)

16.) Will I ever have children?
Fall Out Boy - I'm Like A lawyer (eik~ is that a yes or no? should be yes lar hor?)

17.) What is some good advice?
Justin Timberlake - Never Again (First my winamp is so in love, tetiba ni ask me to give up on love)

18.) What do I think my current theme song is?
Zhang Dong Liang - Zhe Shou Ge (Dun really noe what the song is about... but a bit emo wan)

19.) What does everyone else think of my current life?
John Mayer - Waiting for the world to Change (my attitude so bad ar? Must I really change?)

20.) What type of men/women do you like?
Avril Lavigne - Spongebob Squarepants Theme (Can Die... Can somebody kidnap Spongebob for me? Hahahaha~!!!)

21.) Will you get married?
Faith Hill & Tim McGraw - Like We Never Loved At All (Seriously lar... dun ler curse me... i duwan to be an old maid oso lei)

22.) What should I do with my love life?
Enrique Inglesias - Do You Know (Alamak... seriously lar...)

23 .) Where will you live?
Papa Roach - Forever (Hahaha~!! Not bad oso... immortal)

24.) What will your dying words be?
Remy Zero - Save Me (Omg lar... What an irony lar... hahahha~!!!)

25.) When im having sex i say..
Simple Plan - One Day (Omg.... already doing it, what one day sumore wor)

26.) When I meet a girl/boy for the first time i say...
Good Charlotte - The Chronicles of Life & Death (Alamk like telling that the fella 'fated' and 'foreced' to meet you ni)

27.) When my parents are angry i say..
Faith Hill - There You'll Be (No lor... more like there it goes again...~)

I here by tag : May, Steph, Leo, Su Ling, Yong Hwee, and Alex!

I'm just feeling bored lar~

What month were you born in
-October

Where do you live
-Bear Hill

…Describe Your…

Wallet
-Salvatore Ferragamo

Dream car
- Mitsubishi Lancer 2.0GT or 2.0 GLS

Toothbrush
- Oral B Orange, Medium

Jewelery worn daily
- 2 pairs of earrings, Necklace, Anklet

Pillow Case
- Home D.I.Y

Eyes
- Brown

Room
- Tornado hit effects...

Love life
- Messy and complicated

Cologne/Perfume
- Adidas Floral Dream bodyspray

Cd in stereo
- Various

Piercings
- only 4

Wearing
- t-shirt n shorts lor...

Wanting
- to not be miserable and feeling unloved

What does your shout out mean
- means that i was starring at my hp the whole day making me feel more miserable

Last thing you ate
- Kang Xi Fu Bowl instant noodles from China

Something you are afraid of
- Roaches

Do you like candles
- depends on the situation and occasion or place.

Do you like the taste of blood
- hahahaha... eeww...

Do you believe in love
- yea...

Do you believe in soul mates
- yea...

Do you like seafood
- cholesterol tinggi... except for fish in general, the rest are fine by me

Do you remember your dreams
- except that it woke me up suddenly, what was it about i don't know

Do you consider yourself a study freak
- nope, carefree, free & easy, i only wish i could be more serious

What’s your favorite thing to do in the place where you live
- spending time with baobei desktop and his baby brother the television, occasionally disturbing their buddy the cell phone.

Do you like tattoos
- one of my passions which i'm yet to fulfill.

Do you burn easily in the sun
- i'm already tan as it is, what difference does it make?

Do you speak another language other than English
- a couple other languages and a few dialects lar...

What’s something you wish you could understand better
- the mentality of the opposite sex

Are you shy around a crush
- erm... no. not known to be shy wan lar...

What book would you recommend to anyone
- p.s i love you, a million little pieces, raging hormones, memoirs of a geisha...

Last show you watched an entire episode of
- One Tree Hill Season 5 Episode 4

Last movie you watched at home
- Music & Lyrics

Got any plans for the weekend
- Lepak lar...

Who do you miss
- wuwuwuwu... the source of my miseries...

Last incoming call on your cell phone
- Ping from DHL office

What is the last thing you downloaded
- Mariah Carey - Without You

What’s your favorite restaurant
- Anywhere that serves good tom yum or chicken rice

What was the last thing you bought
- Elianto's Stay on Eyeliner

A secret about you
- I'm fat... hahaha~!!

Ever made a prank phone call
- no wor... lame eh...

Where did Waldo go
- who is Waldo?

Do you really know all the words to your national anthem
- come let me sing loud loud for you to hear

What did your last text message say
- erm... who sms me oso i forgot di, how to remember the content?

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant
- erm, hello... i'm a 50kgs and standing at 154cm, which beauty pegeant wan to accept me ar?

Have you ever written poetry
- no wor... dunno how to rhyme.

How many people have you kissed
- 2.

Have you ever won a trophy
- yea...

Are you a good cook
- can't cook... hehe

Think fast, who do you hate right now
- mdm. goh, her, him...

Who was the last person you visited in
the hospital
- lawrance.

The Week Before CNY~!!

I'm browned again~!! just got back from langkawi (yep~ yet again), this time with my best buddies from high school, JacJac, PingPing, LingLing and Wei Kuei...

anyway, on one of the nights, clubbing in Langkawi, i took a very cute clip of JacJac, check it out:-




the rest of the trip has been summarized in pictorial format in 5 different albums, uploaded in my facebook account. do visit and check them out ya...

off to class now~

Outing with Yong Hwee & Prash

hehe... omg, some people thinks that i'm still living in high school... sometimes, i wish i literally was still in high school. after so many years, the people i met in school are the people who i feel most comfortable with. nowadays, it's so difficult to get together like the old times, but at heart we know that we mean the world to each other.

recently Yong Hwee came back from Adelaide and Prash came back just to meet her... awww... sweet isn't it? we manage to hang out the 3 of us. did breakfast till almost supper. love you gals to bits...


this is during our break in between malls, Oldtown Kopitiam...

Simply love this pic of prash... so natural...

I would like to thank Yong Hwee for taking this pic of me... hehe...

My legs looks lengthy... hehe... bought the gold pair

awww... so sweet rite?

Yong hwee... oo... Yong Hwee... so cute, at Cosmo Noodle Bar for dinner

So that was the outing... we had loads of fun, the leg ache afterwards was truly worth it. hehe... looking forward to many many more.

muakz muakz~

Happy New Year 2008~!!!

so year 2007 has came and gone. seems like time is passing faster and faster. just a week ago, when i confided in of my close friends, he asked me if i regret what i did to make myself so uptight on that day, i told him no i don't. he was surprised and asked me why. he said if i don't regret it, i will never learn. but then i also told me 'i won't regret what i did as at that time that was what i really wanted'.

come on, think about it, many of us, if we were given a chance to turn back time, how many things would you have chosen to do differently? think about it, if that one event did not occur, would you have met you true love? if that embarrassing moment did not occur would you have knew that invisible person that turned out to be a total angel, existed? most importantly, if you did not do a mistake, how will you learn? so do not look at the events of your life as a misfortune, it's all down to how you judge your own life n living, you think about it as the worst time or best time, it will be, you take it as a lesson to remember, in future you will learn to avoid or re-do it. so never regret the decisions you have ever made in your life.

so let's recap year 2007, how has it been for me? to a certain extend it was memorable with the wedding of my sister and also my cousin brother, the birth of the babies to the family, my niece to my newly wed cousin brother, and also my other cousin's second son. but other expects like studies and personal life, i would give it a round up rating of 3 stars, given 1 star as the worse and 5 as best, i give it 3 stars. i failed a subject, did things i never thought i would do, i did 2 part time jobs, my first internship too, and i started driving~!!! hehe... mountain tortoise...

ok so as a tradition, the resolutions for the new year. sometimes i wonder what's the point of creating a list which i probably will forget a bout comes the mid of January, but somehow the vibe of the new year will give you the urge to want to create one anyways, it's like a drive, a motivation something to look forward to if you have yet to have anything installed. so what the heck, i spend sometime sitting and thinking these would be what's right for me to do during the year:-

1. STAY OUT OF TROUBLE
2. Work REALLY hard for my final semester in MMU
3. Have a permanent part-time job
4. Have a complete make-up set
5. Learn how to use cosmetics
6. New hairstyle
7. Learn more sports
8. Learn how to drive properly
9. Be more polite
10. A new wardrobe
11. Buy more heels
12. Smoke for the 1st time X-D (godbro is not gonna like this resolution)
13. Go vacations~!!!
14. Contemplate tattoos
15. Find ways to earn money, the clean way
16. Do more shopping
17. Be a girl
18. Save up for more and more gadgets
19. Learn Feng Shui
20. Not be bothered with people's words
21. Live to the notion, a handful of useful people is better than a basket full hopeless people
22. Don't let people treat me like a sucker
23. Read more
24. Get an iPod Touch
25. Get a Sony Ericsson W910i

so this is what if thought of so far... ummm... i do wonder how many of the above i will live by. hehe... but all in all i just wish that it will be a wonderful year packed with joy, love and happiness not only for myself but as well as those that i love. May we all enjoy good luck, good health, everlasting contentment and as well as the renewal of our pact of friendships and relationships with each other. let's join forces and make this new year the most fruitful and memorable one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008~!!!