Just Talks~

Random quote from the past week:

"she looks like an angry dragon gone wrong"

XD

*******

So, a new day begins. Back in my office and instead of kicking start my job, I'm typing this crap~!! But yea, I'm bored. So, I was reading Jess's blog. At least she thought that she had led some guy on. But me on the other hand, been in a relationship with a guy just for kicks and even worse, leading him on for about 6 months, just to know that I didn't love or liked him that much. But it was difficult to put an abrupt stop (which I eventually did anyways) to as I had led him on way too far. But look on the bright side, i have my second chance to repent with Bie. Love you Bie.

I was told that my words had changed some one's life perception, some sort of bringing him to a realization of such. Cool eh? I just don't want to be kept in the dark and be the last to know about everything. that is why everything I want to know, or I think I need to know, I will find all ways to dig it out. Lately I have been going through too much of these shits. Over and over again, one after another. The irony is that they are all problems of the same genre but different characters. Haizz... Getting used to it and trying my level best to understand.

To you, you might know who you are, really I respect your tolerance for so long. You are so strong, you are my role model. I don't know how far do you despise me. But I do hope for your forgiveness. I don't feel proud of what had happened. But I thank you for still looking at me as a friend. You have so much strength, I really respect you.

To you, you might know who you are too, you have my sincere apologies too for all that has happened and all the complications and confusions which accompanied. I don't know what to say to you really, don't even know if I'm allowed to. I don't know whose fault is it or who started it, but I'm really sorry on my part. I hope whatever that has happenned will not change our friendship.

Everything that has been happening in my life is rather fussy and still trying to sink in. I feel down and confused sometimes. I just seek for the truth and want to be out of the dark. So much so, at times I just don't know what else to do but to take the shortest (and most hurting) way out. That's why I was surprised when that was what it took for me to gain what I was searching for. I really hope the dust will settle soon and I will once again see the sunlight.

Right now I'm just about to sit back, take a deep breath and be ready for the rollercoaster trip I'm about to experience =)

Days of Anticipation

The last time that I had stepped outside of Melaka or Genting Highlands or Puduraya was last June. Sad? I'm so longing for a bloody vacation~!!! Well, thank god my next vacation is coming up in 3 weeks time... yeay~!!! XD

So as some of you all might already know, working for Resorts World Berhad based on Genting Highlands means that I have meal allowance every month, all RM980. So whatever I consume up here are considered free unless of cause if i go beyond the said amount. This month though I have spent and bought my friends (who came up to the mountains) for dinner a couple of times, but yet still have a remaining of RM113 to spare up till tomorrow (last day of February). Maybe it's due to the fact that I have been having many tom yum trips at the canteen and not been eating from the outlets a lot during the month. I was even able to purchase 12 cups of (overpriced) cup noodles, in preparation for the Langkawi trip =) .

My workload is starting to pile up now, at work. It's getting more and more hectic. But I've been told to stay at my current job as it will be good for me. Somewhat I believe so too. But really, it's not easy to live on the mountains. It gets so lonely and depressing at times. Especially when that special someone chooses the normal waking hours sleeping and sleeping hours awake. haha~!! But I'm getting used to it. Days are getting easier and nights are passing faster too. I do wish to continue working here unless of cause circumstances doesn't permit me to. Well maybe looking forward to future events are somewhat helping me to pass the days faster. hehe...

Right now I'm going to concentrate on counting down the days to the Langkawi trip. Really hoping for the best of it. Just going to spend no brainer time there. Langkawi has been named my annual trip by my friends, for me. Yes, this is the 4th consecutive year that I'm going there. hehe. crazy? Somehow I just love that place. Really hope to enjoy the trip with no flaws or bottlenecks...

Mix Feelings~

I'm going back to Melaka this weekend. As much as I want to go back, part of me does not really want to be back too. Can't explain why. Maybe it's because of what's been happening this whole week. Leaving me so stressed out, worn out and somewhat suffocated. Things have been better since last night. But I'm still feeling the after shock.

I'm finding some ways to earn some extra cash (any ideas?). Reason being, well as most of you all might know already, I'll be on vacation at the end of March. Got a feeling I'm going to spend a lot there. Finding ways to get extra cash, just in case and at the same time, to build a comfortable living for myself too.

Well, I'm going to change my style of blogging now. I had tried to be more direct in things that I post in my blog but now I think I want to turn back to be discreet and more indirect. In the sense that I'm going back to using metaphors and names shall not be mentioned. You may ask me for explanation if you don't understand k.

Anyways, I'm so hungry now. Going for spaghetti tonight. =)

Voice of My Heart

All I want is to see him happy. That's what I have been implying and saying to him all along. I will do anything just to se him smile. Seriously...

Even if it means I have to endure seeing him with someone else just for his satisfaction, even if his final answer does not in any way utter my name, I will to let him go, because his happiness is my pariority.

I don't see anything wrong if I say I just don't want things happening behind my back. I don't wan to be cheated. I'm willing to accept whatever his decision is anyways. Just won't promise that things will be the same for us.

I love him dearly, but hidden somewhere in the back of my head I know, he is truly not ready to embrace the seriousness I put into our relationship. I'm sick of the dark and living in his shadow, honestly.

No matter how many times he tries to promise that I'm the only one for him now. Deep down I know that perhaps there is bigger chunks of facts that I'm still living clueless of.

I treasure honesty. I'm not a toy. I'm made of blood and bones, I have feelings too. No I'm not chasing to be his life partner, really. I just want to give my best shot while I'm with him.

I just want him to be happy.

Blessings of St. Valentine

Yesterday was truly an experience~!! Friends (and beyond) came up for an early V-day celebration on the mountain. So we had our 'date' 1st at the Sky Venture, then for buffet dinner at Coffee Terrace, shop a little, the boys gambled a little and then a late LATE night movie, Valkyrie, at 1.30am.

Sky Venture is a once in a lifetime experience. And a MUST have kind of experience too. As an employee of Resorts World Berhad. I got a discount of RM30 for all of us. And I'm telling you even if we were to pay the full price of RM50, it'll still be worth every single cent of it. Sky Venture if like a 'simulator' of sky diving, though according to our instructor, the real experience of sky diving is very much different. They put you in a cubicle which consist of a floor blowing very very strong wind which elevates a vertical body to zero gravity. So technically you are 'flying' without wings in the cube. it's all about body control and balance. you have to put your hands a certain way, head a certain way, legs to be bend a certain way and things like that.

So we flew. we were given the chance to 'fly' on our own, under the watchful eyes of Saiful, our instructor. Then he brought us to 'fly' along with him holding us, spinning round and round in the cube. That was the best. the wind in the cube was so strong that it can even suck out saliva from your mouth. After the 'flying' session, I sat back down on the waiting bench after some time, I smelled the scent of saliva, was wondering where did it come from, was it from the smelly jumpsuit I was wearing? then I touched the side my face omg, it was wet, I realised it was my drool. haha~!! really the wind was that strong till our faced numbed.

Then it was the pigging session at the buffet dinner. We when crazy with the the types and variety of foods available there. Our tiny table for four was filled with so many different foods. Be ate and ate and kept continuing to take more too. We even had a bottle of wine to go with our food. At the end of the one hour (only~) sitting we had there, we ate till we felt so darn bloated. But another money well spent. The boys decided to go try their luck in the casino after our over indulging meal. So the girl friend and I when for a stroll to First World Plaza in hope of digesting our food faster as well as a little shopping. We were just into our second shop when the boys turn up and announced their big lost in the hands oh Uncle Lim.

So after that because the time was still early, we decided to go back to our respective rooms and quarters to rest a bit first before indulging next for our Movie at 1.30 am. So I took a nap, thank god for it, i couldn't stop yawning. Was so sleepy already, my normal sleeping time here is actually 9pm @@ . Got a few berbulu but sweet messages from Bie in between. I love you Bie. Then 1am came fast. Off we went for our movie. Valkyrie is a nice and intensed movie. Quite worth the watch, though apparently there are a few misleading/wrong facts but in the end it's actually quite meaningful. The best part about the movie is, we were all enjoying it on OSIM chairs, reclined to the max for us to laze and enjoy a full body massage.

I have the best valentines celebration this year. Truth to be told, best things does come when you expect the least. I'm about to do a crazy feat today too. I'll be going down to Melaka for the NIGHT, and be right back up here again by tomorrow morning at 9am for work. =) I want this valentine's too bee perfect and totally crazy~ Looking forward to eat Pak putra's tandoori and garlic butter nan tonight~~

Pleasures in The Dark

After work yesterday, I had a hard time thinking of what to eat for dinner. Didn't really want to use more of my signing facilities as I remembered I have to prepare for our big dinner tomorrow night (can't wait by the way... =D). So the night before I already had my favourite Tom Yum Soup with rice. After cracking my head for a long time I decided to go for KFC, a treat for myself after quite a long time. When I say treat, it doesn't mean I haven't had good food, but I haven't had the good food which was bought by my good cash I earn so hard for. yupz, I choose to takeaway the scrumptious Snake Plate in the end.

When I reach my room, as a habit of mine, I turned on the lights first. As soon as I did that though, I heard the groans of my roommate, being a kind and considerate me **hehe =P ** i turned it right off. So I changed into something more comfortable to devour my long awaited (craved) meal.

So how do you like your love making sessions? Some people likes it in the broad day light, some likes it when their drunk, some go for more kinkiness, other like it in the dark, probably out of self conscious or the thought of hiding imperfection. So why do I relate love making to eating my meal? Well, I take my eating of KFC in the dark as a blessing in disguise XD . In the dark, I don't have to see , therefore don't have to feel guilty, the oil and fats oozing out of the juicy meat pieces. I just enjoy with my taste buds, munching slowly and feel the magic slowly work into my core of my stomach. haha~!!

That was my night. I finished 2 huge pieces of Hot & Spicy Chicken thighs, 1 serving of mash potatoes, 1 serving of coleslaw, a bun and quarter a cup of Pepsi (I don't really drink carbonated drinks). Truly it was like having an orgasm... a food and satisfied stomach orgasm. XD

***************************************************

I'm anticipating tomorrow like never before~!!!! Hope everything will turn out fine and smooth flowing. I can't mention on what I'm anticipating. Maybe after tomorrow I might blog about it.

Pink Mode

Conversation stuck in my head:-

"I realise something about myself"

"What?"

"I notice I'm really small size"

"-.- Leonie, that's old news"

that's the conversation Joo Li and I had awhile ago. Damn I miss those times where we had all the no brainer time (and money) spent together. Haiz... now it's just work work work. Damn, the stress, pressure... missing the beloveds at home.

Valentine's Day is around the corner. How are you going to celebrate it? As for me I'm not holding on to much hope for anything. Truth to be told, pathetically I have not celebrated or recieved and official gift on Valentine's Day before. So what's another year without it right? Moreover I'll be here, unescapable on top of the mountain. Sigh... Gonna plan for a get together with friends up here or something.

Can't wait to go back home~!!! next Friday till Monday will be my off days of the month. Can't wait.

Fire

Babyface:-
You're ridin' in my car
I turn on the radio
I'm pulling you closer
But you keep telling me no
You say you don't like it
But I know that you're a liar
'Cause when we kiss

Ooh
Fire

Des'ree:-
Late at night
You're takin' me home
You say you wanna stay
But I want you to go
I say I don't love you
But you know I'm a liar
'Cause when we kiss

Ooh
Fire
Fire
Fire

Babyface & Des'ree:-
You had a hold on me
Right from the start
A grip so tight
I couldn't tear it apart
My nerves all jumpin'
Actin' like a fool
Your kisses my burn
But my heart
Stays
Cool

Well, Romeo and Juliet
Samson and Delilah
Baby you can bet
They were burnin' with desire

Des'ree:-
If I say split

Babyface:-
If you say split

Des'ree:-
Then you know that I'd be lyin'

Babyface:-
I know that you'd be lyin'

Babyface & Des'ree:-
'Cause when we kiss

Fire
Fire
Fire
Fire

Oh when we kiss
I'm on fire
Your tenderness
Gives me desire
I can't resist
Your tender lips
When we kiss
ooh

Fire (oh, oh)
Fire

Des'ree:-
Can't resist your tender lips

Fire
Yeah, fire

What would you do?

Warning: Potentially bimbo-itic post ahead.

*****************************************

How do you let go of your past? Do you hate? Do you just forgive? Do you hold a grudge? Or do you just choose to not think too much about it?

Well I have my fair share of a semi complicated past, B-O-Y-S playing a huge part in it too. Ever since I was in the secondary school, I had many crushes the more prominent ones being a few such as they guy who treated my horribly but I still choose to crush on him, the guy who I use to fall so deeply for up until as recently as early last year, and another one who also liked me but had not dared to approach me.

My main focus though, is guy number 2 who I had had a crush on for almost 5 years. For real. At first I liked him without him knowing, and when he knew, he kept me waiting for another year and just to let me down at the very last minute. But our memories were too great for me to just let go and forget. That's also because he was always there for me when I needed it. Like a guardian angel (or should i say a vulture?), he will know when to come and steal my heart again. I tried to find rebounds to keep my mind off him. But try and try again, he is always there somewhere at the back of my head. Till Bie came around and then I conjured all my energy away from Guy 2. No, I hold no grudge although a lot of my time, feelings and love was wasted for a long time on him, he has his choice, I'm sure he did what he did for a reason. We are both leading great new lives now anyways. I still count on my blessings that I will have him as a friend in need for a long time more.

Other matter are such as my ex. Yes I admit, I had hated him. Revenge aside, I don't want to blame him for what he did. Perhaps at that time he was doing it, he thought it was the right thing to be done. Maybe it was the way he was brought up. Could also be that his thinking method was that of a child because of his education level. But in the end I blame myself too cause i choose to get involved with him in the first place. I have him to thank for too as because of him I had learnt a lot. Without him, how can I improve? How would I know what's right and what's wrong? No, I do not see myself being with him ever again, I can't even imagine being friends with him again, but I do feel the hatred fading. It had taken time, but I had done it, it's almost gone now.

Don't hate, it'll only take a huge chunk of energy from your system. There are many ways to release your feelings. Talk it out, scream it out, sing it out, dance it out, cry it out anything~ Always remember, things happen for a reason. Take it as a lesson in live. If every one knew what will be happening in the future, there will be no accidents, no war, no shit. Things always happen for a reason. You did not choose things to be bad, you never knew it would be bad in the first place. At that time when you were involved, you probably thought it was for the best. But shit happens, you fall, you cry but always remember that you learn as well. Let it go~

I'm blogging while working. Boss is not around XD . Anyways, I'm off back to work now.

Greeting from top of the mountain

How has your Chinese New Year been? I've been on the mountain for almost a week now. Trying to fill my head with positive thoughts. I do want to stay here for as long as I can, if possible, for this whole year. But at the same time I'm also looking for better opportunities elsewhere. I've been trying my best to improve my work performance and not be the pathetic self I was a month ago. One of my motivations is when a colleague of mine pulled back her resignation letter a day before she was suppose to leave. it's a friend we manage to retain.

I have changed my phone to a PDA one which is wi-fi enabled so that I can facebook and MSN at wi-fi spots. Now I have music to entertain me too. It's really like a mini PC, very entertainning. You knwo how I get when you hand me a new gadget @ toy, right? It's another motivator as I won't have time to hayal when any place gets too quiet. I did not get the chance to insert more of my favourite songs in it though. Will do it when I get back to Melaka later this month.

Btw, how does little lovers' tiff make you feel? It use to make me damn worked up sometimes so much till I cry non stop. But now I learn to tackle my own weaknesses and learn to deal with it with more strength. Maybe what Bie says is right, I learn from the past, I be stronger thereafter.

But no matter how strong I am, really little arguments of nothings really tires me. Apparently it lets us get to know each other better. emm... what do you think? There is still a lot for me to learn from though, such as the art of persuasion and convincing.

Anyways, I'm just randomly blogging. Waiting for 5pm so that I can go back and rest a little. Too tired and sleepy. I might just pack food home to eat tonight. Nick and his new girlfriend was up on Genting Highlands yesterday. So nice to see a familiar face after so long. I forgot how nice it was when our close knitted clique send almost everyday together not too long ago.

I have and still am very grateful that I have that group of friends. They are top class, like mother of all Best Friends kind. Seriously... not trying to exaggerate. They are really one call away kind of friends. Whenever I need help, if they can help it, they will be there, no questions asked no hesitation. We just took really good care of each other really well. Will forever be grateful to have known them.

Anywayz... going to ciao from office di. Really restless di.

25 Random Facts of Leo~

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

Tagged by: I self tag from Vanessa's blog~ tak tau malu~

1. Apparently I make weird expressions when I talk.
2. I have lived in Melaka for 22 years, only now that I have shifted out to Genting Highlands to start my career.
3. I love spoiling people i love.
4. I can stay in front of any PC for 8 hours (or more) straight.
5. I have been to Langkawi 4 times and counting.
6. I don't eat fish ball/cake
7. I am a Thai food fan.
8. I cry... A LOT~
9. I hate people calling me "Ah Moi"
10. I drove a car into my house' flowerbed and can't explain why.
11. I have a strong imagination power. I can make myself believe in things that my mind make up.
12. My first kiss was when i was 19. hehe~~ yup, I'm a late bloomer~ shy sial.
13. I love Scottish Terriers.
14. I have attended National Service in the year 2004.
15. I'm used to be mistaken as a Malay or a Nyonya (at least)
16. I have been sleeping but not been asleep for many months =)
17. I enjoy singing a lot although I can't sing well.
18. I can read continuosly books after books
19. I have a phobia of enclosed areas with high ceilings/roofs
20. I don't know how to dress up or put on make up
21. I'm planning to get my navel pierced if I can find a gold navel stud first.
22. I did not play any sports ever since I was in Standard 4 (Tae Kwon Do) until a couple of years back where I begun tennis, Badminton and swimming.
23. I can be fake~ very fake at times~
24. I love travelling and trying new things
25. I'm i love =)

Peace out~

Now tag 25 people~

Making things easy, if you have read my crap, your responsibility now is to do it and post it up in your blog~!!!

2nd Disclaimer

Dear Readers,

A Reminder:-

My blog is dedicated to my feelings and my life only. What ever that's written here has nothing to do with or is non relation to individuals dead or alive. My blog is a communication of my thoughts and everyday living to the world. If you are a reader, have no hard feelings while reading, if you want to have hard feelings, my blog is not a place for you. Every detail written here is not to be used as reference, as there really is no prove of accuracy, could be a subject of imagination and fantasy, suitability and validity. Objects and facts obtained from this blog is to be used at your own risk and I shall not bare responsibilities of any outcome whatsoever.

Peace out~

Regards,
Leonie Lim

Chinese New Year 2009

So my break for Chinese New Year is over now. I'm back at work. How was Chinese New Year this year for me? Well, I would say it was good and I'm sort of happy.

I spent the eve till the 3rd day of this New Lunar Year with my family and a touch of Bie here and there, for example the after dark hours and the drunk visits XD . Then on the 3rd day, after the anticipated lion dance at my house, I had my first taste of the game 'ngau' at Bie's place.

a little mind teasing and addictive card game which consist of 5 cards. out of the 5 cards, there should be 2 combinations of 2 cards and 3 cards. the first combination of 3 cards has to add up to a round number of 10, 20 and 30, for example, 5+2+3 = 10 or J+Q+K = 30 or 4+7+9 = 20, etc. If this combination cannot be fulfilled, you cannot proceed to the second combination. the second combination of the 2 remainder cards will be your winning (or losing) points. Point system is till the maximum of 10 points only biggest being 10 and smallest is 1. for example 2+5 = 7, 10+5 = 5, 10+10 = 10, 10+1 = 1, etc. if your points are bigger than the banker's, you win your bet. if smaller you lose. there are other twist in the game too, such as if your second combination happens to be 2 cards of the smae kind, such as double of any number, you win double of your betting. if your total combination consist of 3 pictures (J, Q or K) and the remainder 2 is an Ace and another card of picture of 10, you win triple of your betting. and there are a few other twist which I'm yet to understand and learn. But this game is addictive and the winnings (and losing) are neither too fast nor too slow.

the rest of my holidays were spent with Bie. We went shopping and he got himself an early Valentine's gift, a thing he had been eyeing for the last months. I'm happy for him. he looks so sexy in it too. love you Bie. We are now planning for a vacation in the month of March. most likely going to Langkawi to celebrate Mr. Pilot birthday and graduation. Anyone wants to come along? =)

The rest of CNY was just same old~ I did not do much visiting this time around. No mood and no time. We had a day trip up to KL though. There were 4 of us. our mission was to send a friend to LCCT and another back to her home in Shah Alam. That night I got to drive on the highway for the 1st time. it was fun. I guess I'm an ok driver (Bie's going to give me 'that' look when he reads this) cause Bie fell asleep in the car.

There were a few miscellaneous incidents and events such as the pigging out at Sushi King, me driving in to my house' flower bed (don't ask me how it happened), Bie staying over at my place, a few movie trips, shopping, gambling and many more.

To sum up, CNY this year is a bit empty but fresh for me this year. It's new and many things were done slightly differently. it's nothing and everything at the same time.